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If It's Only in Your Head
If It's Only In Your Head
Season
Episode
24
Airdate
May 17, 2009
Viewers (mil)
14.66 million
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"If It's Only in Your Head" is the 111th episode of Desperate Housewives, as well as its fifth season finale.

Summary

Bree tells Karl about Orson's shady blackmail scheme, and Karl finds a way to scare him off, but things backfire when Bree becomes upset with him and Orson still doesn't leave her. Tom learns he's been accepted in college after all, and Lynette worries her cancer might be back. Katherine and Mike head off to the airport to get married in Las Vegas afterwards. Ana Solis, Carlos' niece, arrives on Wisteria Lane to stir up some trouble. Karen and her sister, Roberta, break into Dave's home, and in the meantime Dave comes closer and closer to exacting his revenge schemes, and no one is safe.

Plot

Previously on Desperate Housewives

Quote1
Bree prepared for divorce... but Orson had other plans. Carlos did the right thing. Ammateur sleuths... zeroed in on their prey. And Dave made a video.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Teaser

Three Years Earlier

We see an alarm clock ticking away as the shot moves to Lila Dash lying in her bed.

Quote1
The first thing Lila Dash thought about that fateful morning was her husband, Dave.
Quote2

Lila sits up in bed as she watches Dave put on his tie in the mirror.

Quote1
It occured to her she should buy him a new tie.
Quote2

We see Lila walk out of the front door with a garbage bag and walk down the porch of her house to see Dave mowing the lawn.

Quote1
She thought of her husband again that afternoon... and decided she would make him something special for dinner.
Quote2

We see Lila cleaning a spoon as she prepares dinner for her family. and she looks over at Dave who is entertaining their daughter, Paige with her stuffed animal.

Quote1
That evening, Lila, once again, thought of her husband. And she asked herself what she had done to deserve someone... so wonderful.
Quote2
5x24 01
Dave's last moments with his daughter, Paige.

Lila smiles as she watches Dave and her daughter and he turns to her and asks her what she's thinking about. She shakes her head and replies, "Nothing." before putting the spoon in the drawer and walking over to him, "So what do you say we all go out for ice cream?" she asks, Dave says he'd love too but he brought work home, he says he's so boring and suggests that Lila and Paige go alone. Lila refuses, saying that they'll all go tomorrow but he points out Paige and asks Lila how they can make "this face" wait a whole day for ice cream. he whispers to his daughter to look sad and Paige puts a frown on for her mother. Lila and Dave laugh and the former concedes, saying she'll take her now. Lila and Paige make their way to the door but Dave stops them, he suggests that the following night, he leaves his briefcase at work and they all do something special, "Just the three of us." Lila smiles and replies, "It's a date." before walking out the door with Paige, Dave kisses them goodbye.

Quote1
But there would be no tomorrows for Lila and Paige Dash...
Quote2

Lila, carrying Paige, runs out to the car and the two of them get in.

Quote1
Because that was the night they crashed into Susan and Mike Delfino...
Quote2

Lila is driving along happily and the shot cuts to Susan and Mike driving down the adjacent road. We see that the stop sign at the intersection has been knocked over and Lila comes out of it, unaccpectant to Susan and Mike. The two cars collide and Susan and Mike's car flips over and lands upside down, sliding along the road. (see "You're Gonna Love Tomorrow")

Quote1
The last thing Lila thought about before she died was her husband, Dave... She wondered what her death would do to him...
Quote2

We see Lila with a bloody headwound in the wreckage of her car, she is lying very still, the airbags have not activated. Her open eyes soon close and she is dead.

Quote1
Luckily for Lila: she would never know.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

We flash back to the present day and Dave is driving a car containing Susan and MJ Delfino. He is planning to kill MJ.

Act I

We see the exterior of a church as the shot moves closer in towards the doors.

Quote1
There was a wedding recently in the Fairview Presbyterian Church...
Quote2

We now see the interior of the church with a wedding happening inside it.

Quote1
The minister spoke about the nature of marriage and then said what all ministers say to conclude such matters...
Quote2

The minister says to the unknown couple, "You may now kiss the bride." The groom kisses his new wife and the church bells begin to ring as the shot changes to the bell tower of the church.

Quote1
It was then that the churchbells began to ring; telling brides-to-be everywhere... their turn was next.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young
5x24 02
Mike and Katherine embrace before departing for their honeymoon.

We see Katherine holding a gurder in her hand, excited about her upcoming wedding to Mike. Mike walks down the stairs with suitcases in his hands as Katherine puts the gurder into her own suitcase. She greets him with, "Hello groom." and informs him that the hotel agreed to prepare champagne in ice for them when she told them they were getting married. "Isn't that terrific?" she asks him, he unenthusiasctically says that it's great as he stares vacantly out of the window. She says that she hopes he can muster up some more enthusiasm for the 'I do's, he apologizes and says that he's thinking about Susan and MJ. She asks him why and he tells her that he got a weird vibe from Dave before they left, Katherine reminds him that Dave always gives off a weird vibe, that's just Dave but Mike is sceptical and thinks he should call him, taking his cell phone from his pocket. Katherine tells him that he should take out the bags to the car so that they don't miss their flight because if they miss their flight; they miss their wedding day and if they miss their wedding day; they're going to miss their wedding night. Mike kisses her and brings her in for a hug, saying that she's right and he's probably worrying about nothing. He says he'll go off to load the car and Katherine reminds him that they need to stop by the store to get video tape for the camera, however, he tells her that he has some old ones in the desk that he can just record over. Mike leaves and Katherine goes over to the drawer, retrieving Dave's tape.

5x24 03
Ana Solis arrives on Wisteria Lane.

Juanita and Celia are standing, waiting, on the lawn of 4349 Wisteria Lane as Carlos stands on the porch, also waiting. Gaby steps out of the house and informs her family that Ana should be arriving any second. Carlos asks her if she's nervous and she asks him why she would be, he says, "You're about to have a teenager in the house.", she replies with, "Well, I didn't say I wasn't a little sedated." Carlos says that he's nervous too but they're doing the right thing, Gaby agrees voicing what a hard life that girl has had, being bounced around from relative to relative after her parents' deaths, Gaby says she wants this to be the ending point for her. Carlos agrees. A car drives down the lane and Juanita turns to her parents saying that there's a taxi. Carlos wonders if she'll remember him and Gaby doubts it as the last time they met, she was six. Carlos argues that he spent a lot of time with her dad before he left. The taxi pulls up in front of Gaby's house as Carlos reminisces his times with Ana when she was a child. The taxi door opens and we see Ana's foot hit the sidewalk as the rest of her soon follows, she stands before Carlos and Gaby smiling like an angel and looking very sexy. Carlos and Gaby are stunned by her and Carlos says, "I don't remember that."

5x24 04
Karl comforts a distraught Bree.

Bree and Karl are in the latter's office and he is shocked that Bree would tell Orson about the divorce. Bree says she had to because he found the storage unit and she was in such a state of shock she couldn't think of an explanation. Bree sits down and Karl walks closer telling her that this isn't good and Bree goes further by saying that Orson is blackmailing her as he can go to the police any time and report her. Karl is confused and Bree explains that, because Orson filed an insurance claim when the items had not been stolen counts as fraud, which she would get arrested for. Bree tells him that she told Orson she doesn't love him but he didn't care as he wants to work on their marriage. Karl said that clearly he's a little crazy, Bree responds by saying, "A little?! The man put chives in my Peresian Salad! He should be in a straight jacket!" Karl turns around telling her to calm down as this isn't the end of the world, Bree asks, "Isn't it?! I'm being blackmailed by a man I'm growing to despise and if I don't pretend to love him, he can have me arrested." Karl, comfortingly, sits next to her and tells her that he does not want her to worry as they'll think of something. Bree wonders what they can think of as he's holding all the crads, Karl tells her as he puts his arm on her shoulder, "Trust me, no one ever holds all the cards." He takes his hand away and she stares at him.

5x24 05
Lynette informs her doctor about her fear - the return of her cancer.

Lynette is in her bathroom, frantically combing her hair in her mirror and she suddenly stops, she puts the comb down and takes a deep breath, she places her wrist over her mouth and continues to breathe heavily. The moment ceases and Lynette stares in her mirror with a fearful expression before Tom calls for her to come downstairs. Lynette arrives in the kitchen where her family is sitting at the table, eating breakfast, she walks up to Tom and asks him what's going on. He says he just got off the phone with the university followed by, "I'm in!" Lynette is surprised and happy and Tom goes on to say that he scored within the first 5% whilst drunk out if his mind, he then turns to Porter and Preston and tells them that he is not condoning that. Ever. Penny congratulates her father and he thanks her, Parker offers to help him study and Tom tells him he's not sure how much help he'll be with him majoring in Chinese. Preston voices that he knows how to say 'take me to a strip bar' in Mandarin and Tom and Lynette stare. Lynette says, "I'm so proud." and passes the conversation to Porter and Porter says, "Congratulations on ruining my life. If you see me on campus, you're not allowed to talk to me." Lynette says that that's everyone and Tom decides that this calls for hot fudge sundaes and tells everyone to get into the car. He kisses Lynette and aks her if she's coming, she says that she has to make a quick phone call and then she'll be ready, Tom and the kids leave and Lynette picks up the phone and begins to dial, on the phone she says, "Hi, this is Lynette Scavo. May I please speak to Dr. Rushton?... Tell him it's important... Hi, Dr. Rushton, I need to come in and see you as soon as possible... I think the cancer's back."

Act II

5x24 06
Susan learns of the death of Dave Williams' daughter.

We see Dave's car driving down the road and then we see him driving it, Susan is sitting in the passenger seat with MJ in the back, MJ asks his mother if she has a juice box but Susan tells him that he just had one and they don't want to have to be stopping every ten minutes so that he can go to the bathroom. MJ says, "I miss diapers." and Susan and Dave both giggle. Susan voices it as 'the joys of being a parent' and Dave says he remembers. Susan is confused and asks, "You do?" He tells her that he had a little girl who died, Susan is slightly stunned and offers her condolences. He tells her not to worry and says, "I'm learning to deal with it." Dave continues to drive down the road.

5x24 07
Roberta and Karen discover Dave's pill stash.

A hand places a key into the door of 4362 Wisteria Lane, it is seen that it is Karen who has Roberta standing close by. Roberta says that she can't believe that Edie gave her a key, Karen asks why she wouldn't as she trusted her and she only used it when she was out of milk or bread... or cash. Karen opens the door and her and Roberta enter Dave's house, Karen tells Roberta to look for anything that could tie Dave to Dr. Heller, his files, papers and even trash. As Karen begins searching, Roberta pulls out some expensive liquor from behind the bar, Karen asks her what she's doing and Roberta says that before she gets to the bottom of what they're working on, she'd like to get to the bottom of the bottle she's holding. She then sees a brief case and pulls out some muscle relaxer, Karen walks over to her and tells her to put it back as it's not hers, Roberta pockets the pills and says they're not his eithers and asks, "Who's David Dash?" referencing the name on the pills. Karen takes a bottle as there is a knock on the door, a policeman tells Mr. Williams to open up and Karen and Roberta panic, they duck behind the bar as the policeman yells that he needs to ask Dave a few questions. Karen asks Roberta if she has anything illegal on her and Roberta says, "I do, but it's hidden and if they find it, we got a lawsuit." The door knocks again. They then hear, "Ladies," and turn to the side door where a detective holds up his badge through the window, seeing them, "open up, please." he says.

5x24 08
Orson is strangled by a hired attacker.

A man stands at the base of Bree's test kitchen minding his own business and Orson soon emerges from the offices above, he walks down the exterior stairs with a folder in his hands, he is surprised to see the man and greets him, he asks if he can help him, the man replies, "I hope so, are you Orson Hodge?" Orson says he is and asks who the man is, the man doesn't respond but slams Orson against the wall and grips his throat, he compresses his throat against the wall as Orson struggles, he asks Orson if he would like for him to let go, Orson doesn't respond so he asks again, Orson nods frantically and the man releases him, causing him to fall to the floor and crouch, gripping the stairs of the test kitchen. The man says, "There I let go." as Orson tends to his throat with his hand, the man grabs him by the collar and pins him up against the wall again, startling Orson, and the man says that Orson has to do the same. Orson doesn't understand and the man says, "I think you do and I am dead serious, if you don't let go, next time, neither will I." He smacks Orson's head against the wall and releases him, making him stumble, the man adjusts his suit and walks away. Orson breathes heavily and holds his throat.

Ana is unpacking on her bed and Gaby walks in with a laundry basket, she says she brought it for her and can teach her how to use the drier if she'd like. Ana stares coldly and Gaby reveals that that was her clever way of telling her that she'll be doing her own laundry. Ana understands and goes to put away a piece of clothing. Gaby mentions that the girls have chores too and that's how they teach them responsibility, Ana doesn't respond, merely opens a drawer and Gaby carries on by mentioning that curfew is ten o'clock, eleven on weekends, and asks Ana if that seems resonable. Ana says it's no problem as she places her clothes in the open drawer. Gaby says to herself, "Huh, this teenager thing is easier than I thought." Ana moves across the room and asks what her other chores are, Gaby stands up and tells her that she will be sweeping the front porch and cleaning the bathroom. Ana says, "You got it." as she moves some of her cothes, revealing the yellow dress beneath. Gaby sees it and says it's pretty as she makes her way towards it, she picks it up and realizes that it is of designer brand and Ana responds with, "Yeah, it's alright." Gaby turns to her shocked and angry saying, "Alright?! Young lady, if you live under my roof, you will not disbarage Versachi." Ana awkwardly apologizes and Gaby says that she was only joking, she looks at the dress some more and Ana sarcastically says, "Oh, funny." and says she'll go and get started on her laundry. Gaby views the dress hanging in the closet and sees it's a Vera Wang and asks where Ana is getting all these beautiful dresses, as she unpacks on the bed, Ana says that they were gifts from boyfriends. Gaby says, "Boyfriends? How many do you have?" Ana says she doesn't have as many as she used to as she had to make some cutbacks. Gaby sarcastically says, "Yeah, the economy has hit us all." and puts the dress back. She then asks what kind of boyfriends can afford gifts such as these, Ana explains that they're college guys with rich parents who can pay for everything, Gaby asks what she gives them in return and Ana says, "The pleasure of my company." Ana then explains further that she doesn't have to do anything but they just have to think she might. Gaby asks her how long she thinks that will last and Ana replies, "Until ten o'clock, eleven on weekends." her and Gaby stare at each other before Ana says she was kidding and Gaby says, "Oh, funny."

Orson is sitting in his living room looking fairly shaken up after his attack, the door behind him opens and Bree enters the house and walks across the living room, she notices Orson, sitting there looking roughed up, she stops and asks him if he's alright. He doesn't answer and she moves closer towards him, asking what happened to his shirt. He says, "Why don't you ask your friend? The one you hired to assault me." Bree is shocked and Orson goes on to say that he grabbed him by the throat, threw him to the ground and told him to let go, "You're message came through loud and clear." he says. Bree is further surprised and denies having anything to do with it, Orson is sceptical and asks who else would have done it. Bree is silent and then says, "I don't know." and then assures him that whatever their differences; she would never hire someone to hurt him. "You have to believe me," she says, "I do." he replies after a pause and nod. He begs Bree for forgiveness and says that he should have known she could never hurt him, Bree looks at him sadly. Orson then gets up excitedly with his suitcase in hand and says, "I'll stay." Bree is confused and he says that once he's unpacked he will bring her his shirt so that she can repair it. Orson walks upstairs with his suitcase as Bree watches him and then looks back with a worried expression on her face.

Act III

Ana is reading a magazine on the porch of 4349 Wisteria Lane, Gaby and Carlos walk out of the house and Carlos tells Ana that they'll be back in a bit, Ana says that she'll sweep the porch in that time and Gaby asks her to make sure Juanita and Celia do their chores too and Ana says, "Sure thing." Gaby and Carlos walk down the porch and leave and Ana looks across the street to see Porter and Preston playing catch with Parker sitting on the sidewalk watching them, she stares at them for a while and a smile grows across her face.

Carlos opens the trunk of his car after going to the store and hands a grocery bag over to Gaby who agrees to take it inside. We see Ana painting Juanita's toenails on the couch as Gaby walks in with the grocery bag and Gaby is shocked to see that the house is spotless and commends Ana upon it. "Just wanted to do my part." says Ana with a smile. Gaby places the bag onto the table and asks Ana how she got everything done so quickly, Ana says, "Well..." as we see Porter and Preston running down the stairs with a vacuum cleaner and cleaning equipment, they say that they've finished upstairs and ask if there's anything else she needs done. Gaby realizes what has gone on and turns to Ana, ana says that they wanted to hang out but she had chores to do so they insisted on helping her, "Aren't they sweet?" she says. Gaby is about to speak until Parker comes running into the room with marigolds on and a toilet brush in his hand, he says that the downstairs toilet is so clean they can eat out of it. Gaby says, "Okay boys, maybe it's time you went home and took a shower - preferably a cold one." the boys begin to leave and Ana says, "Bye Preston." and Porter says, "I'm Porter." and Preston says, "I'm Preston." and Parker says, "You can call me whatever you want." Gaby practically pushes them out of the door and they leave. Gaby walks back towards the couch and Juanita runs up to her saying it was so cool because Ana got the boys to do her chores too. "Did she?" asks Gaby, looking at Ana as Juanita says she wants to learn how to make boys do stuff, she asks Ana to teach her and Gaby sends her to her room. "And don't come out until you're eighteen." she adds as Juanita walks away. Ana asks Gaby if something's wrong and Gaby says that the whole point of chores is that you do them yourself, not bat your eyes and call, 'rent-a-horny-kid'. Ana says, "The house is clean, what do you care how it got that way?" Gaby replies, "I worried about the message it sends to my little girls and I'm beginning to worry about your tone." Ana sarcastically apologizes and asks Gaby how she likes her housekeepers to speak to her. Gaby smirks and says, "and the teenager has finally arrived." she goes on to say that they want her as part of their family but in exchange she will have to obey their rules. Meaning doing her own chores, no boys in the house and no more gifts from men. Gaby gets up and begins to walk away but Ana gets up and follows her, beginning to talk, "I get it now," she says, "You're jealous." Gaby asks, "Of what?" and Ana tells her, "Of me. You're not young anymore and you can't get guys to do things for you and that drives you crazy." Gaby laughs it off and tells her that if she wants to see crazy she can just make another comment like that and get thrown right back out onto the street. Gaby asks her if she cares to test her but Ana just storms away. Gaby rolls her eyes and walks away.

Ana walks out of the house to see Carlos unloading groceries, he heads towards her and she forces a cry, he sees this and asks her what's wrong, she lies and says that she doesn't know what she did but Gaby wants to kick her out. Carlos seems angry about his wife's behaviour.

Carlos is yelling at Gaby in the living room and tells her that Gaby's been doing what Ana did for her whole life. Gaby insists that it isn't true and says it isn't the point due to the way that Ana talked to her. Carlos doesn't care and yells that you don't tell a kid that's been bounced around for her whole life that you're going to throw her out on the street, Gaby says, "I didn't tell her that! I just... kind of... threatened to." Carlos says that the bottom line is that Ana is his niece and isn't going anywhere. He tells Gaby to start acting like an adult and she is speechless as he leaves the room with groceries. Ana walks inside and here and Gaby stare at each other as Ana silently makes her way up the stairs.

Karen and Roberta are being questioned down at the police station by a detective. Karen says that she knows that it looks bad but they did what they did for a reason but the detective says that he can't excise breaking-and-entering for any reason. Roberta says, "What if there's a baby inside and there's a fire?" The detective says, "Well..." and Roberta responds, "See? Everything isn't so cut-and-dry is it rookie?" Karen says, "Roberta, don't piss him off, you can't take a club to the head like you used to." The detective that arrested them enters the room with files and the news that Dave changed his name from "Dash" to "Williams". He adds that he's the same guy who's wife and daughter were killed in a car accident. Karen says that she remembers that accident as her neighbors, Mike and Susan, were in the car that hit him. Roberta notes that that's weird and asks the detectives why Dave would move to the same street as the people who killed his family. Karen and her turn to the detecives who slam the folder shut.

Lynette is sitting nervously in her doctor's office as the nurse neside her writes something down. The latter says that the doctor has Lynette's results and will be there in a minute. Lynette asks the nurse if she knows what they are and the nurse walks over to Lynette, saying that she'll need to talk to the doctor about that. The nurse tries to walk away but Lynette stops her saying that she knows and asks her if it's cancer again. The nurse says she honestly doesn't know and that the doctor will be with her in a moment. Lynette stops her from walking away again and says, "If it's cancer and I find out you knew, I won't be dying alone." The nurse is freaked out and slowly walks out of the door as Lynette's doctor walks in. He greets her and says they're glad she came in and he got her results back and they picked something up, Lynette, thinking it's cancer, says that she can't go through it again, he assures her she isn't and says that she's pregnant. Lynette is shocked and he tells her it's been about six weeks or so. Lynette stares at him and asks, "Are you sure it's not cancer?"

Act IV

Mike is at the airport on the phone, talking to Susan, he reminds her to put sunscreen on before she gets on the boat as Katherine watches him, seeming lonely as he gets invested in his coversation with his ex-wife. Mike chickles and says goodbye, putting away the phone, he tells Katherine that everything's fine and he doesn't know what he was worried about, Katherine remains silent as Mike takes out a sports magazine and starts reading it. Finally, she speaks, and asks Mike if hes sure he wants to do this, he asks, "Do what?" and she tells him, "Go to Vegas, get married? I mena, it is a whole weekend away from Susan." He assures her that he just wanted to make sure MJ was okay but she asks him to just admit that he is still hung-up on Susan. Mike is annoyed that she's bringing it up but she points out that it's their wedding day and he was in a crappy mood until he talked to his ex-wife. He moves closer to her grabbing her hand, and says that he wouldn't be sitting there if he didn't love her, she needs assurance, he asks her if he needs to shout it out in the airport but she says he wouldn't do that, he assures her he will and yells out that he will do whatever he needs to do to prove his love, Katherine laughs and tells him to stop, saying he's convinced her and they hug. Katherine says she's dying for a capuccino and ask if Mike wants one too, she takes her wallet from her purse which is next to Dave's tape, she accidentally hits 'play' and the tape begins to paly in the camera, Mike says, "Yeah, I do." and she jokes that he said 'I do' and there's no taking it back. Katherine leaves to get her drink and Mike hears the tape going in her purse, Mike picks it up and hears Dave say, "I hear people wonder, why don't I just kill Susan? But what good would that have done? She'd be dead. There'd be no... suffering. And for those of you who hate me because I took the life of an innocent... young boy then I say-" Mike stops the tape, already alerted, and gets up, he calls for Katherine but she is too far gone and cannot hear him, he then asks the woman sitting in the chair next to him if he will tell the woman he was with he had to go as it was an emergency. Mike, still holding the camera, runs out of the airport. Katherine returns with her coffees and wonders where Mike is, the woma tells her, "Your friend asked me to tell you he had to leave." Katherine is surprised and the woman apologizes for Mike, she fails to mention the word "emergency" so Katherine sits down, believing that Mike got cold feet.

We are shown the red door of Karl's office and the door suddenly opens and Bree enters the office. She looks angry and slams the door behind her, she asks Karl, who is sitting with his feet up on his desk, what he was thinking, he asks her to first tell him if it worked. She asks him if he hired someone to attack Orson and he admits to it as Bree goes on saying that his thug tried to strangle her husband. Karl makes it clear that if he had been trying to strangle him, Orson would be dead, and reminds Bree that this was their way of gaining the upper hand in the divorce. Bree tells him to not use physical violence as she never would have given permission for that, Karl says, "That's why I didn't ask you." Bree looks at him angrily as Karl asks her what her beef is, she says, "My beef is that from the minute I walked into this office, you have pulled me deeper and deeper into your moral sasspool - that is not why I hired you." Karl denies this, telling her that that is exactly why she hired him as she was tired of being a good girl and wanted to do something dirty. Bree goes on to say that she's been turned into someone she doesn't recognize, Karl tells her that she's loved every minute of it but Bree denies this. Karl stands up and says, "Yes you have! And so have I." Bree is shocked, "Because the truth is," he continues, "You're the most fascinating woman I've ever met." They stare at each other and Bree simply asks, "What?" He stares at her seductively and she walks away to grab her purse saying that if she hasn't made it clear how she feels about him, she apologizes for any ambiguity, she says she detests him. Karl says she doesn't and he can see it in her eyes, he says, "You want me to walk over there, push up against you, and kiss you until your knees buckle." Bree looks at him and says he's fired, he replies, "Good, that stops this from being a breach of ethics," as he makes his way towards her, he grabs her and they kiss passionately, they stare into each other's eyes and Bree says, "My knees haven't buckled yet." Karl smiles and puts his hand on her cheek and then runs it through her hair as they continue to kiss.

We see Mike's car driving down the road and then see the inside, he picks up his cellphone, dials, and then waits for a response. The scene then shows Susan and MJ in Dave's car as the latter drives, they're singing a song. The song ceases when Susan's phone rings and she picks it up to answer it, Mike is on the other line and frantically asks her where she is and asks her if she's with Dave, she says she is; they are in the car, singing. Mike, seriously, asks her to listen to him, and asks her to not react to what he is about to tell her, Susan notes it sounds serious and Mike continues, "Dave's real name is David Dash, he's the husband of the woman we killed in the accident." Susan looks at Dave and says, "Oh my God." Mike reminds her not to react and Dave turns to Susan, curious, and asks if there's a problem, Susan makes up that Mike's flight was cancelled and offers a fake apology, Dave is no longer suspicious and continues driving. Mike tells Susan she is in danger and they should go to a gas station or anywhere that there is people around and tells her that he is on his way to rescue them. Susan takes this on and asks Mike how long he thinks he'll be delayed (still going with the flight lie) and Mike tells her he's a half an hour away from the lake and he's calling the cops, he tells her she needs to get out of that car and away from Dave and she calls him the second she does. Susan hangs up after saying goodbye and Dave asks if they bumped his plane, Susan assures this and Dave says it's a real drag. "Okay", he says, "From the top" Susan stares at Dave, worried. They sing:

Quote1
There was an old lady who swallowed a fly;
I don't know why she swallowed the fly.
Perhaps she'll die.
Quote2
Dave Williams, Susan Mayer and MJ Delfino

Act V

Susan is sitting, frightened, as Dave drives his car, she suddenly notes that it feels like they've been driving forever and suggests that they stretch their legs, however, Dave tells her that they're almost there so they should keep going. Susan looks at her watch and back at Dave, she asks if he's hungry because they could stop at a restaurant up ahead but he tells her that he really doesn't want to stop. She says it's no big deal and then, when Dave turns away, she grabs another juice box from the bag and quietly slips it to MJ so that he will need to use the bathroom.

The door to 4355 Wisteria Lane opens and Lynette slips in, looking depressed, Tom hapily welcomes her from the couch and starts showing her all of the stationary he got for college as she makes her way to him. She seems uninterested so Tom pulls out his markers and shows that they're cented, he hands her a purple one and asks if she would like to smell grape. She doesn't answer and he sniffs it himself, saying it's like candy. Lynette says she went to the doctor that day, throwing her purse on the coffee table, and Tom asks her what's wrong. "I'm pregnant." she says. "Pregnant?! With a baby?" he asks. She asks him how long he's been sniffing those markers, of course with a baby. "But you can't! We...we can't. We...we...we're old!" he says, stumbling. She says they're not old enough and sits on the couch, exhausted. Tom quickly follows and sits next to her. He asks what he will do about school and Lynette asks what she will do about her job. "We're gonna have another baby." Tom says, Lynette holds up two fingers in front of him, he asks her to please tell him she's reciting the girl scout oath but she informs him that she's pregnant with twins... Again. They both just sit on the couch, shocked and silent.

Susan is sitting with Dave in the car and MJ, who's in the back with a juice box, says that he needs to go to the toilet. Susan tells him "Okay, sweetie." and then asks Dave if he'd be okay with stopping at the next rest-stop. He tells MJ that they're almost there and asks him if he can hold it, but MJ says he can't as he really has to go. Susan looks at Dave who stares back at her, he concedes and Susan tells MJ just to hang on a few more minutes, MJ nods. Dave's car pulls over at a forest-side and Susan is surprised as to why they're stopping there. Dave and Susan vacate the car and Dave pulls out MJ, Susan asks if they could find a gas station or a diner or something but Dave says that MJ's a big boy and can use the bushes. As MJ runs off, Dave reminds him not to go too far and Dave's phone rings, he answers it and a detective is on the other line, he says he knows everything, Dave asks him what he means, "Heller, your wife, your child, all of it." says the detective, he tells him that he should turn himself in before anyone gets hurt. Susan beats Dave around the head with a large rock and Dave drops to the ground, unconscious. A frantic Susan runs to the car and gets in it before realizing that there are no keys to start the car. She runs back out to Dave as MJ returns, Susan ducks down to retrieve the keys from Dave's pocket and cautiously moves her hands closer to him, however, Dave's hands grabs her wrist and Susan is shocked. She struggles to free her wrist and eventually slips it out of his grip. "MJ, RUN!" she screams as she runs away from Dave who is lying on the floor, she grabs MJ by the hand and the two of them begin to run into the woods, away from Dave. MJ asks why they are running and Susan says they're running from Dave and tells him to run as fast as he can. She then trips on a large rock sticking out of the ground and lies on the floor, MJ asks her if she is okay and she says she's fine as she clutches ankle and sits up, they hear Dave yell, "Susan?! MJ?!" and Susan tells her son that it's really important that he wins the game and so she tells him to find a really good hiding place and not to come out, not for anything, even if he hears Dave, MJ nods and Susan assures him that she will hide too and MJ runs away into the gravestones that become more apparent in the ground. Susan tries to stand up, putting her hand on the grave next to her for balance but cannot stand as her ankle is in too much pain. She sits up against the grave, rocking, holding her ankle as she hears Dave say, "where is he?" from behind her. She turns to him but doesn't answer, he yells, "You are not gonna mess this up!" He then grabs her collar and pulls her up, telling her to call MJ as she squeals in pain and fear. She still does't answer, breathing heavily, Dave becomes annoyed and so pulls a handgun out of his back pocket and points it at Susan's face, "Call him." he says, very seriously. Susan stares at him and yells, "MJ!" Dave is hopeful until she yells, "DON'T COME OUT!" Dave beats her with the gun and she falls to the floor, he then runs away to find MJ.

Dave walks along the grave yard in the forest and calls out for MJ while his gun lay in his hand, swaying with his arms. Dave asks MJ if he'd like to go fishing because if they don't leave now they'll arrive too late. He offers to let him drive the boat. The smile on his face fades to a grimace as the shot cuts to MJ, hiding behind a grave statue as Dave says they will leave without him if he doesn't come out, he walks around the grave MJ was behind and MJ is now gone. He says that MJ doesn't want to be in a grave yard after dark. He says they're leaving as he looks down and sees MJ's hand and foot behind a grave. He smiles menacingly.

Susan lies on the ground, unconscious, and her eyes begin to blink, she awakens and looks up, she sees Dave's feet walk towards her and looks up to see him carrying MJ who says, "Mommy, wake up, I get to drive the boat."

Act VI

MJ is in the back seat on Dave's car with a laptop in his lap, Susan, who is sitting in the passanger seat, places a pair of headphones on his head and tells him to keep the volume really loud so that he "doesn't hear all the boring gorwn-up talk" MJ obliges and Susan turns back around to face the front of the car. Dave, in the driver's seat, tells Susan to buckle up, scared, she does so. Dave and MJ smile at each other and Dave's smile fades as he looks forward. Susan asks Dave what he's going to do to them but Dave insists that she shut up as he's thinking. Dave continues to drive and the car barrells down the road as MJ browses on his laptop. Susan is emotional and looking at Dave, "Dave please," she sasys, "I am so sorry about that accident. You don't wanna hurt MJ or me, you're a good person. I know you." He tells her not to analyze him as the last guy who tried that didn't end up too well. Susan tells him that he won't get away with it as Mike already called the cops and they're on their way. "Enough!" Dave yells before they hear the sound of a cell phone ringing. Dave picks up Susan's cell phone and sees, "Incoming Call, Mike" on the screen. He answers the phone to Mike who says, "Susan? Where are you?" Dave tells Mike that he kind of screwed up his plans and Susan, realizing Mike's on the phone, calls for him, Dave pushes her away with the gun, pointing it firmly at her with his non-phone-hand. He tells Mike that Susna says 'hello'. Mike tells Dave to take it easy, "If you want revenge," he says, "Let Susan and MJ go. Take me instead." Dave smirks at this and asks Mike how it feels to know that you can't save the people that you love. "Hopeless?" Dave asks, "Like your entire life has no meaning?" Mike is shaken and says, "Dave... please. I can't be far behind you. I'm on route 12." Dave is assured of this and Mike tells him that he doesn't want to hurt them and that he should let him be the one. Dave says he is right and that Mike should be the one. "So we got a deal?" Mike asks, Dave assures Mike that if he sees one cop car, they're both dead. Mike says, "No cops - you just tell me where to meet you." Dave tells Mike to keep heading south to an abandoned gas station at the intersection on route 12. "Don't be late." he adds as Susan stares at him, still scared, now for Mike's life. Susan recognizes the location as where the accident occurred, Dave says she is right and Susan sighs.

It is now night time and Dave's car pulls up at the intersection, Susan and Dave sit in the front seats, Dave asks her if the surroundings look familiar and a teary-eyed susan asks, "What are you going to do to us? Why did you bring us here?" Dave, avoiding her gaze, tells her that he thought it would be poetic. He says Mike should be there any minute but Susan begs him not to hurt Mike as it wasn't his fault. "No," Dave says, now looking at Susan, "But he wants to be the hero, so..." Dave and Susan, both teared up, stare at each other, Dave unbuckles her seatbelt and tells her to get out of the car before opening her door. Susan says that she's not leaving without MJ but Dave assures her that MJ's coming but she has to get out of the car first. He points the gun at her chin and says, "Now."

Dave is seen tying up Susan's wrists with white rope to a sign at the intersection. Susan asks Dave not to scare MJ when he brings him there but Dave tells her that there's been a change of plans. Susan is confused and Dave tells her that MJ's staying with him. He says, "He and I are going to pull into that intersection just as Mike comes barrelling down that road." Susan is shocked and Dave continues, "And you're gonna stay there and watch as Mike kills your child just like you killed mine. I told you it was poetic." Susan begs him not to, "I can not imagine the pain you went through but you can't do this. You can't kill my little boy!" Dave tells her to shut up and begins to walk away as Susan, tied up, yells after him, "What if your daughter could see you now?! Is this how you'd want her to see you?! As a monster who could murder an innocent child?!" Dave takes this onboard but replies with, "I'm not a monster." before walking onwards. "Dave! DAVE!" Susan yells with her hands behind her back.

Dave gets into the driver's seat of his car and looks at MJ who is asleep in the back seat with the pair of headphones still on his head, he reaches into the back seat and unbuckles MJ's seat belt saying that he doesn't need that as he's a big boy now. He turns back to the rear-view mirror and sees himself, he then turns it to view MJ but sees his daughter in MJ's place, taking to heart what Susan said. Dave is shocked and slowly turns around to see his daughter where MJ should be, smiling up at him. He turns back to face the front.

We see Susan's hands as they struggle out of the white rope that bind them, Susan screams in the struggle and she turns to see Mike's car barrelling down the other end of the intersection. Mike is looking ahead, trying to save is ex-wife and son and Susan calls his name, kicking her legs, still unable to break free. We see her hands finally slip out of the ropes and she springs up and yells Mike's name, jumping up and down and flailing her arms around, trying to gain his attention, to warn him. Mike sees her and is confused, there isn't enough time to break before Dave's car speeds out of the adjacent road, Susan screams as the two cars head towards each other. Mike's eyes widen as they collide, glass flies everywhere as Mike crashes into the side of Dave's car casuing it to spin as Mike's car breaks down the road. Susan is crying hard and calls out for MJ as she walks closer towards the wreckages. We see Dave lying back in his seat, unconscious. We see Mike lying forwards into his airbag, unconscious. "MJ!" Susan yells as she runs closer to the accident, "Mama!" she hears called in response, she turns to the road on her left where Dave has sped out of to see MJ standing there, perfectly in tact. She is shocked, relieved and thrilled, he runs towards her and she picks him up, hugging him, asking if he's okay, "Dave told me to get out of the car." he tells her. Mike's fate dawns upon Susan as we see his car door open, although smoking, and Mike steps out of it, injured, but pretty much well. He sees Susan and MJ and runs towards them, he takes MJ from Susan and hugs him as she looks at him, happily. She then hugs him and the family are once again reunited. Mike and Susan look at each other and then begin to kiss very passionately as MJ stares at an unconscious Dave in his car.

Dave lies in his car and his eyes slowly open and the shot zooms into his eye and we hear Lila Dash's voice asking if they should all go out for ice cream. We are taken back to the scene we saw earlier and Dave tells his wife he would love to but he brought work home with him again as he holds Paige Dash in his lap. "Again?" Lila asks and Dave voices how he knows he is boeing and suggests that the girls go alone. Lila says she'll take her now and Paige is handed to her mother as she walks her towards the door. They are about to leave when something changes, something in Dave as he begins to miss his family. "Wait." he says, they stop, he continues, "Don't go. We have marshmallows and chocolate - I can make smores. Would you like that my little princess." Paige seems excited at the idea and Lila asks him if he's sure as they walk back to the table. He says his work can wait, "I always have time for my girls." He picks up Paige and hgs her as Lila walks over to him and stands by her family, their happy family.

We are taken out of Dave's eye as we here the words echo.

Quote1
I always have time for my girls...
Quote2
David Dash

Dave is sitting, looking crazes, in a uniform in a small room with a trayed meal in front of him, a nurse comes in and removes the meal as he stares into space. The nurse walks out of the room and closes the door behind her, walking past the sign that reads Boston Ridgegate Mental Hospital.

Epilogue

Two Months Later

We see the same church we saw at the beginning and the shot zooms in upon the door.

Quote1
There was a wedding recently at Fairview Presbyterian Church...
Quote2

The Minister speaks in the interior and we see the back of Mike's head and a woman next to him whose veil covers her completely.

Quote1
The Minister spoke of the nature of marriage... The sublime joy of giving birth...
Quote2

We see the Scavo family are guests and we see Lynette at the end of the row feeling sick with Tom comforting her before she gets up to leave and throw up.

Quote1
The immense pleasure of raising a family...
Quote2

Gaby watches the ceremony as Ana makes eye contact with the attractive man in front of her, Gaby snaps her fingers and points to the front, making Ana turn her head to the wedding.

Quote1
The importance of life-long fedelity...
Quote2

Bree and Orson watch as Karl sits behind them, Bree turn to look at him out of Orson's attention and the two stare into each other's eyes.

Quote1
And then he said what all ministers say to conclude such matters...
Quote2

The minister tells Mike, "You may now kiss the bride." Mike pulls back her veil, but we only see the back of her head, still not knowing who she is.

Quote1
For a moment the groom wondered if he was doing the right thing...
Quote2

Mike smiles and kisses his mystery bride in front of his guests as we hear the church bells in the background.

Quote1
That's when the bells began to ring... telling him he had.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Mike continues to kiss his new wife, but who is he kissing, Susan or Katherine?

Production

"If It's Only In Your Head" was written by Jeffrey Richman and directed by David Grossman.

Reception

The episode was watched by 14.66 million viewers on its original airing, and received mixed-to-positive reviews from critics and fans of the show.

Trivia

  • The title of this episode are lyrics from the song "Putting It Together" by Stephen Sondheim, from the musical Sunday in the Park With George.
  • This is the second season finale episode in which Mary Alice doesn't appear, in which there is no mystery resolution, and in which no major character dies.
  • This episode marks the 100th appearance by Doug Savant as Tom Scavo.
  • Although she does not appear in this episode, Nicollette Sheridan (Edie Britt) is credited as a series regular for the last time.
  • Although credited, Shawn Pyfrom (Andrew Van De Kamp) does not appear in this episode.
  • This episode included a clip from "You're Gonna Love Tomorrow".
  • This is the fourth season finale to feature a cliffhanger featuring Mike:
    • In season one he entered his house where Zach Young was waiting and planning to kill him.
    • In season two he was run over by Orson Hodge and left for dead.
    • In season four it was unknown what had happened to Mike in the five year jump due to Susan's new relationship with Jackson.
  • This is one of four season finales to feature a wedding. In season 3 both Gaby and Susan get married. In season 4, Bob and Lee have a civil ceremony. in this episode, Mike gets married to an unknown bride. In the series finale, Renee and Ben get married.
  • The Minister marrying Mike and the unknown bride was played by Steve Tyler, and is the same Minister who married Susan and Mike in "Getting Married Today".
  • The original idea that Marc Cherry had teased for this season finale was to have Mark Moses returning as Paul Young. Unfortunately, at the time Mark was shooting another series, Mad Men.
  • Marc Cherry had originally wanted to have Katherine getting married with Mike, but since many fans of the show were against the idea, he put Mike and Susan back together.
  • In this episode, Bree reveals to Orson her wish to divorce. However Orson is the one who leaves exactly one year later in season six's finale "I Guess This is Goodbye".
  • When Dave is searching for MJ he passes a tombstone that reads MEADE which is a reference to the ABC show Ugly Betty, in which Bradford Meade had passed away. The Tombstone is not the same as Bradford's.

Bloopers & Continuity errors

  • In the teaser, Mary Alice Young makes it clear that Lila Dash, following her demise, would luckily never know of her husband's misdeeds (kidnapping Susan and MJ in order to get revenge). This goes up against the supernatural element of the show; Mary Alice herself is able to look upon the people she left behind, as are, evidenced by the series finale, other deceased characters. Therefore, the fact that Lila "can't" constitutes somewhat of a continuity error.
  • Gabrielle remarks that its a "rough economy" even though the show is now set five years in the future.
  • When Ana arrives at Carlos and Gabrielle's house, the taxi comes from the left of their house. The entrance to Wisteria Lane is to the right.


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