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Lovely
Lovely
Season
Episode
15
Airdate
February 21, 2010
Viewers (mil)
10.85 million
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Flashback
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Centric character(s)
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Viewers
10.85 million
Written by
Directed by
Special Guest Star
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Special Guest Star
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Co-Starring
Uncredited
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"Lovely" is the 126th episode of Desperate Housewives.

Summary

Susan causes quite a stir when she invites a former stripper into her home, because former exotic dancer Robin will have a profound effect on the ladies of Wisteria Lane: with three teenage boys at home, Lynette will need to keep a watchful eye on them, Bree needs to pick up a few tricks to engage Orson, Katherine needs to find a friendly companion, and Gabrielle needs help with her troublesome niece - and Robin might just provide that help, whether she wants to or not.

Plot

Previously on Desperate Housewives

Quote1
A friend was welcomed back. A marriage was on the mend. Gaby and Carlos discovered a secret. And Susan made a request.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Teaser

Quote1
The first thing you need to know about Robin Gallagher is that everyone liked to look at her...
Quote2

We see Robin, beautiful as ever, applying make up outside of 4353 Wisteria Lane before she sets off walking down the street.

Quote1
They would stare at her legs...
Quote2

As Robin walks down the street, Parker Scavo is down on the floor tying up his laces and sees Robin's legs walking past him, he cannot help but look at them.

Quote1
And her breasts...
Quote2

The gardener at 4351 Wisteria Lane stares at Robins chest as she walks by, his work comes to a halt for the moment that she stares at her and she carries on walking.

Quote1
And her hair.
Quote2

The mail man is rifling through some envelopes in front of his van and is suddenly distracted by Robin, who walks by, and looks at her hair. Robin finally arrives at 4349 Wisteria Lane where pSusan is waiting for her on the lawn, she greets her and the two head on inside.

Quote1
But once they were done, people would begin to ask:
Quote2

"Who is this?" Roy asks inside, referencing to Robin and completing Mary Alice's sentence. Susan introduces Robin to that guests at Katherine's "Welcome Back" party and explains to them that Mike had to work so she decided to invite Robin as her plus one instead. "Hello there." Roy says, Karen tells him that he already said that but he replies that he wanted her to know he meant it.

Over in the living room, Orson, surrounded by Carlos and Tom, tells Katherine that it's great to have her back on the lane and Katherine tells him that it's great to be back. As she goes on to say that she didn't know how people would react to her return, the men of the lane suddenly notice Robin on the other side of the room, the center of attention, and the three of them abandon Katherine to go and talk to her just as she tells them of her fear of their rejection.

Carlos asks Susan who her new friend is and Susan introduces Robin to him, Tom, Roy and Orson. "Hope you got all that, because there's going to be a quiz later." Tom says, Lynette says to herself, "Oh, God." Carlos then gives Robin an overdramatic welcome to his home causing Gaby to have a similar reaction to Carlos as Lynette did with Tom. "Yeah, it's so suburban, I've never been to a place where the ceilings are so tall." Robin tells them. "Fascinating. Just fascinating." Orson says, Bree looks down at him, seeming annoyed. Roy goes on to ask if Robin lived in the city and she says she did but she'll be living with Susan for a while and just moved in that day. The other ladies then stare at Susan and Gaby says, "Susan, let's go get you a drink." Susan dismisses this offer but Gaby gives her no choice as she grabs her arm and drags her off to the living room, followed by Bree and Lynette. The men all move closer in on Robin, struggling to think of what to say, Tom then asks her how she met Susan.

"So, are you going to tell us about your new friend, or should I say, roomate?" Lynette asks Susan with the other women side by side with her. Susan explains that Robin was in a dark place so she offered her a place to stay, and she felt guilty because she told her to quit her job. "What was wrong with her job?" Bree asks. "Well, you probably don't wanna let the guys in on this, but-" Susan is cut off by Carlos who, on the other side of the room, says to Robin, "So, you used to be a stripper." subsequently making the end of Susan's sentence mute. Robin then looks at Susan apologetically for letting the cat out of the bag.

Quote1
Yes, everyone liked to look at Robin Gallagher, but not everyone liked what they saw.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Lynette, Bree and Gaby all angrily stare at Susan.

Act I

Quote1
Later, while the men of Wisteria Lane were trying the shrimp, their wives were trying to control themselves.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Bree serves some shrimp to the men at Katherine's party and then walks off to the kitchen to join Susan and a disgruntled Lynette and Gaby. "You moved a stripper into the neighborhood, what were you thinking?!" Lynette asks Susan, who mentions that they aren't even taking the time to get to know her. "Our husbands are in their pooling together their dollar bills, what more do we need to know?!" Gaby asks. "I just met Robin, she seems great." Katherine says as she enters the room to join the ladies. Bree asks if Robin mentioned to Katherine that she's a stripper, "Did she have to?" Katherine replies. Susan argues that she is just trying to help her get back on her feet, Gaby notes that that'll be a nice change for her. "She is living in my house, if anyone should be afraid, it's me, and I don't feel threatened by her. At all." Susan tells them. "Really?" asks Bree, Susan assures them it's the truth and tells them that Robin is a nice girl, "Yes, nice, blonde and can bounce a quarter off her ass, I'm telling you, she's trouble." Lynette says. "Here's the good thing, she can't bring any more crazy to this street than I did, just give her a chance." Katherine tries. Bree agrees, saying that Robin has probably had a tough life and needs their help. Lynette mentions that with her three teenage boys at home, the last thing she needs living next door, is a stripper.

Lynette and The Stripper

There is a knock at Lynette's door and she answers it to three teenage boys who say that they're there to pick up Parker for school. They all run, speeding, past her and up the stairs in a matter of seconds, "Please, come in, I'll get him for you." Lynette says sarcastically to the empty room before closing the door. As Lynette walks back to the kitchen, Tom, who's sitting on the couch, asks her if she's going to finish folding the laundry, "I thought I'd treat myself and wash the breakfast dishes first." she tells him. He reminds her that she started something and asks her if she thinks she should finish it. "Well, since you're so passionate about it..." Lynette walks over to the laundry basket, picks up the dirty clothes inside and throws them onto Tom's lap, "...knock yourself out." she tells him. She sees a ring box on the table and suddenly realizes why Tom wanted her to finish folding the laundry, "Okay, you just went from jerk to adorable real quick." she tells him, picking up the box. "Happy anniversary." he tells her, standing up to kiss her. They hug and Lynette opens the box to reveal the ring inside, she seems very happy about it, noting that Tom must have returned to an antique shop where she had admired it. She thanks him, "Wait until you see your present. You can unwrap it tonight when the kids are asleep." she tells him. Tom suggests that he can do so after they leave for school before he and Lynette begin making out. Lynette goes in for one last hug and says, "Hey, why are they still up there and why can't I hear them?"

Upstairs, Lynette makes her way over to Parker's room, briefly tries to listen in to what's going on inside but then opens the door to see the four boys all staring out of Parker's window, Parker using binoculars. "Hey, boys." she says, startling them all, causing them to turn around. "What's going on?" she asks them, they are all clearly being coy, "We're late for school." Parker says before leaving, his three friends trailing behind him. Lynette is suspicious and looks out of Parker's window, she then grabs the pair of binoculars on the table next to her and looks through them out the window. Lynette soon gasps at what she sees.

Lynette rapidly knocks on Susan's door and Robin answers, applying a robe, she greets Lynette, "The next time you take a shower would you mind closing your blinds? I have a teenage boys and he has friends." Lynette tells her, lifting the binoculars to view. Robin says, "Oh, no." and Lynette tells her that she may have retired as a stripper but she's still doing seven shows a week. "They didn't have to pay a cover charge, right?" Robin asks, jokingly. Lynette informs Robin that she is in a nice community and has a responsibility to her neighbors, especially the ones with innocent children. Lynetet begins to walk away but Robin stops her with, "But they're not all so innocent." Lynette wonders what she means, "Yesterday, that son of your's... asked me if I would have sex with him." Robin explains, Lynette is shocked and disbelieving, "Of course, I said no," Robin continues, "Then he offered me cash." Lynette's jaw drops.

"Hey." says Parker as he walks through the door to see Tom and Lynette standing side-by-side waiting for him, angrily. "Come in, have a seat." says Tom, pulling out a chair. Parker asks if something is wrong, "We hoped it would be another year before we had to have the parent-son conversation where we tell you it's wrong to offer your neighbor money for sex, but..." Lynette says, "Oh, crap, she told?" Parker asks, Tom sarcastically tells him that he might want to pick a more discrete stripper the next time. Lynette asks her son what he was thinking as they raised him better than that, "Didn't we?" she asks, "Yeah, we did." Tom agrees. Lynette asks him what he has to say for himself before she sits down, "I just really, really, really needed to have sex." Parker tells her. "Three 'really's, wow, in that case, here's a twenty, go back and try again." Tom says, offering his son some cash before Lynette smacks his arm away from giving it to him. Lynette tells Parker that she understands that, as a teenage boy, his hormones are holding his brain hostage, and she asks him why he would think he needs to pay for sex. "I'm the only one of my friends who hasn't lost his virginity." Parker offers as an excuse, "First of all, we've seen your friends and trust me, pimples, braces and 'Beam me up, Scotty' are not getting any." Parker tells her that girls don't look at him that way and it's never going to happen. Lynette gets up and Tom takes her place, "Hey, knock it off! You are a great kid! You don't need to pay for it! Just wait a few years, when you're emotionally ready, you'll meet that right girl and you will have tons of sex." Tom assures his son. Lynette hits him on the back with a wooden spoon so Tom adds, "After you're married." Parker accepts this and apologizes to his parents, he then gets up and heads upstairs. "Good job." Lynette says to Tom, putting her hand on his shoulder, "Thank you. So, do you think he bought it?" Tom asks, Lynette asks him what he means, "You know," he says, "Guys always pay for sex in some way, I mean, dinner, flowers... antique rings." she says as he stands up, making Lynette's smile vanish. He opens the refrigerator and she asks him if he thinks that that's the only reason they're going to be having sex that night, "Of course not, it's our anniversary, it's agiven, like turkey on Thanksgiving, although I am hoping that the ring gets me an upgrade from missionary." he tells her. "Forget about upgrades, you just got bumped off the flight!" she yells at him. He wonders why she is getting so upset and she tells him that it is because she didn't know she was married to such a cynical lugnut. "Are we really not going to have sex tonight?!" he asks, she replies with, "Don't worry, Tom, in a few years, when you're emotionally ready, you're gonna have tons of sex." she leaves leaving him to ask, "Come on?!"

That night, Lynette is sitting up in bed, reading, as Tom lays beside her, "So you really like that ring?" he asks, putting his hand on hers, she says she does, he asks her if she read the inscription and as she begins to say it outloud, she firmly states that they are not having sex. "Oh, come on! Why not?" he asks, she tells him that she is still upset by what he said, "Do you really think women only sleep with men if they buy them things?!" Lynette asks, "No, I think that supermodels sleep with eighty year old millionaires because they love to hear stories about when bread was five cents a loaf." he says sarcastically, she states that she is not a supermodel and he is not a millionaire and tells him that she is owed an apology by him. "You and I went to Marley's Tavern on our first two dates and I could barely get passed a goodnight kiss but, third time out, I dropped $200 on marie-goche and bam! You finally put out. Um.. finally made love." She slams her book down and calls him an idiot, saying that she did not put out because he bought her an expensive dinner. She is on top of him and smacks him before continuing in sayng she did it because he brought a replacement lightbulb for the one that had burnt out in her hallway because he wanted to make sure she was safe. "I was ready to do you right then and there." Lynette tells him. "Really, that's all it takes, me showing you I care?" he asks, "Because that's easy." Lynette and he stare into each other's eyes before she says, "And now it's time for your anniversary present." and she bares down on him, kissing him as they begin to make love.

The next day, Robin is collecting her mail from Susan's house and Lynette approaches her, greeting herself, "Remember the other day when I told you this was a nice neighborhood? I forgot to warn you, there's this one bitch that lives right near by. And that would be me." Robin tells Lynette that she understands and says that her moving next door freaked some people out. "No, seriously, I'm sorry." Lynette says, Robin accepts her apology. Lynette begins to walk away but Robin stops her with, "Ooh, and, by the way, the next time you're giving it to your husband with the lights on, could you draw the drapes?" They both laugh.


Act II

Bree and The Stripper

Orson's hand grabs a handle bar which is hanging from the bedroom ceiling as Bree helps him into bed by lifting his legs onto his matress. She tells him that she has an event to plan for as she tucks him in and asks him if he needs her to run any errands for him. He says he should be fine and tells her that he soon has rehab and Roy offered to take him to the park. "Oh, well, isn't that lovely?" Bree says, they both stare at each other awkwardly and ask each other a question at the same time, Orson says he supposes they could watch a movie but Bree dismisses it as he told her he wants to read. She begins to walk away but he stops her with, "Well... Goodnight." Bree tells him that if he needs anything he can just ring the bell and she'll be right upstairs. "I am sure I'll be fine." he tells her, Bree leaves the room and Orson seems diasappointed.

Over in the test kitchen, Bree is busy cooking when the door opens and Robin walks through it, "Knock knock." she says and Bree tells her to come on in, Robin does so, closing the door behind her. "Can I ask you a favor?" Robin asks, "Sure." Bree tells her, "Susan and Mike have been so good to me, I wanted to do something nice for them so I thought, 'Hey, maybe I should bake them a cake'." Robin explains. Bree tells her that that's very thoughtful and to feel free to use whatever she needs. Robin thanks her and Bree continues to stir, Robin doesn't move and eventually asks, "So, what do I need?" Bree asks her what she knows about cakes, "Well, I know if you're gonna hide in one for more than an hour the airholes have got to be pretty big." Robin answers. "Well then, it looks like I will be teaching you how to make a cake." Bree says, Robin expresses her jubulation by hugging Bree, telling her she rocks. "I rock." Bree says, as she goes on to start baking whilst explaining how to do so. Robin tells Bree that she's her hero and takes out her cell phone to snap a picture of her, Bree asks her what she's doing, Robin says, "Making you my screensaver. You're replacing my cat, he's eating noodles." Robin shows Bree the picture of the cat eating noodles, "Let's just do this." Bree says, unimpressed. Bree tells her to go and get an apron and Robin does so.

A while later, Bree is adding the finishing touches to the cake as Robin admires it, calling it the coolest cake she's ever seen. "Rasberry moccha... Orson's favorite." Bree says. Robin says that she met him at the party and he seems nice, Bree tells her that its been challenging but Robin says that you can survive anything as long as you've got a solid marriage. Bree pauses. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Robin says, sensing Bree's uncomfortableness. "It's fine, let's just say before his accident (see "Boom Crunch" and "If...") there were issues and now we're trying to put the pieces back together." Bree informs her, "Well, that's good for you. So, what's the piece that you can't find?" Robin asks. "Now you are prying." Bree tells her, Robin argues that they made a cake together and have thereofre bonded. "My grandmother always said that if you want to save your marriage, there's only one room to do it in." Bree doesn't respond. "The bedroom!" Robin tells her, Bree says that she got that. "It's not about sex, it's about closeness, we've lost our intimacy." Bree says, Robin tells her that sex is how men get intimate. Bree says that she isn't sure Orson is even capable, "Oh, sure he is, I mean, his brain still works, he can see you and feel you touch him and hear what you say to him. I had this regular customer, ninety-two years old, in a wheelcahir, I used to have to push the oxygen tank out of the way to give him a lap dance." Robin tells her. Bree says that she doesn't even know if he's still interested, "Well, here's the thing, neither of us knows for sure, only one of us can find out." Bree seems intrigued.

Music is playing on the stereo when Bree returns home after her event and Orson asks her how it went, she said that the Rabbi blessed her cream puffs and asks him how his day was, he tells her that he was passing the time by reading. Bree tells him she wants to get out of her clothes and heads upstairs, she then blesses Peter Charcovski, the composer of the piece on the stereo, as she is clearly liking the music. "Yes, I never tire of this piece, it's extraordinary, so moving and so... sensual." he says, this pauses Bree who clearly thinks of what Robin said could save her marriage. Bree walsk towards the stairs and, with her back to Orson, slowly removes her scarf, she then drops it on the floor before slipping off her coat and dropping that the other side of her. "Don't you want to do that upstairs?" Orson asks, not knowing what she is trying to do. Bree tells him that she'd rather do it right were she is before flipping her hair and turning on her side and dance to the piece with her hips. She then turns on Orson and walks slowly towards him, trying to be sensual. Orson asks her why she is walking like that but she doesn't respond, she just kicks off one of her shoes, "What do you think?" she asks before kicking off the other shoe which flies across the room, which shocks her at first but she soon goes back to Orson, trying to maintain whatever she has going on. He tells her that he isn't sure, in response to his question. "You're trying to make me feel better about being paralyzed?" he wonders. She walks over to him and applies teh break on his wheelchair, she then kneels on it, above his lap, she looks down at him and says, "Guess again, big boy." he just seems confused, however. Bree sways to the music. "Well, if you're having a stroke, we're going to make quite the team." he tells her. She gets off the chair and walks backwards, twilring her arms and hands to the music as she does so, she comes to a halt and says, "Oh, I do belive it's getting... hot... in hear." she briefly fans her face, trying to be sexy. The music continues. Bree turns around and begins to remove her top but the removal is halted and the top won't go past her head despite her efforts, Orson asks her if she is alright and she explains the her earring is caught on her shirt. She moves sidewyas, trying to remove the top but wiggling her hips at the same time to keep the dance moving. Orson tells her to let him help her but she refuses, telling him she's got it. He begins to wheel over to her and accidentally runs over her foot, she screams out in pain and falls over, landing on the hard floor. The music stops. Orson spins himself around and apologizes. "I told you I didn't need any help!" she yells from the floor as she removes the sweater from her head, "Well, in my defense, that wasn't entirely clear." he tells her. "Forget it, this was stupid." she says angrily, sitting up and throwing the sweater. orson asks her what that was and she explains that she was trying to give him a lap dance, before she stands up, "That was a lap dance?!" he asks. "I was trying to arouse you!" she says, putting her shoes back on. He reminds her that he's in a wheelchair and she tells him that she thought he might still be interested in that sort of thing, he says he is but after the accident he never thought she'd consider making love to him. "Orson, things would be awkward at first but we'd work through it. You're my husband, I wanna be close to you. I wanna share your bed again even if it means just holding your hand before you fall asleep." she explains. They are both teary eyed and Bree slowly walks towards him, she sits on his lap and asks him if it's alright, Orson uses the remote to trun the music back on, "Let's see, I've got Charcovski on the stereo, my wife in my arms, yes, this is alright." he tells her. Bree touches Orson's face and then pulls in close to him.

Act III

Gabrielle and The Stripper

Ana is sitting on the porch of 4349 Wisteria Lane on the phone to Danny Bolen, through the dining room window, Carlos and Gaby are watching her, "She and Danny spent the whole day together, what's left to say?!" Gaby asks. Carlos tells her that it's out of control and he'll forbid Ana to talk to him, "Yeah, forbid two teenagers, that always works." Gaby snaps sarcastically as she places plates on the dinner table. "Besides, what would we say? That we overheared his parents talking and we think they're evil?" she wonders. "What do you think the Bolens did?" Carlos asks, Gaby says that she doesn't know but people don't go on the run for not paying their cable bill. Carlos wonders how Nick has money when he doesn't work and Gaby suggests that maybe they're drug dealers or gun runners. Carlos says that he doesn't want Ana anywhere near them but Gaby tells him that she won't break up with him, "She will if I mae her." Carlos says, "I'm telling you, that won't work! We need a carrot, not a stick!" Gaby says.

Gabrielle quickly enters Ana's bedroom and Ana, who is looking at herself in the mirror, asks for some privacy, Gaby professes that she has big news, "For me or for you?" Ana asks, "You!" Gaby tells her. She says she just got a call from her good friend, Luke Rayfield, the man who picked Gaby up when she was a struggling model and he was a struggling photographer. Ana asks if the part about her is coming up, "Oh, yeah," Gaby says, "Luke now runs his own modeling agency, he's always looking for new talents, so I sent him your picture..." Ana seems very excited, "Wait for it, wait for it... he wants to represent you. You may now begin screaming." Gaby tells her niece, Ana screams with joy, "Well, I have to call Danny!" she says excitedly, looking for her cell phone, Gaby tells her that Danny can wait before she snatches the phone out of Ana's hand and throws it in the oppisite direction. "We need to buy you some new luggage, they want you in New York immediately." Gaby tells her before beginning to walk away. Ana is confused as she was under the impression that she had to finish high school. "World War II, Germany lost, Korean War, Korea lost, Vietnam War, we lost, happy graduation!" Gaby exclaims. Gaby begins to walk away again but notices the look of non-excitement on Ana's face, she asks her what's wrong, "I-I don't think I can go just yet." Ana says, Gaby wonders why not, "Danny and I have a plan, we're going to New York together when I graduate." Ana informs Gaby who seems much less than happy.

Over at 4353 Wisteria Lane, Gaby is bitching about her woes with Ana to Susan, wondering how she could turn her down after everything she's done for her and mocking Ana and Danny's relationship. Robin comes downstairs and asks what's wrong, "Oh, Gaby got her niece a foot in the door in the modeling industry and she turned her down." Susan explains, Robin notes that Ana made a bad call, she goes on to say, "I used to take ballet and... I was pretty good, too. And this instructor from this big ballet company saw me perform, and, long story short, two days later they offered me a job." Susan asks what happened, Robin continues, "Bobby Butterfield happened." Gaby isn't surprised, "A boy." she says, "Not just a boy," Robin says, "The boy. Uh, I was crazy about him. Thought it was gonna last forever. So, I passed on the job... and two months later he dumped me for Louise McMullan... and then a month after that I got in a car accident, messed up my knee and then it was goodbye tu-tu, hello ta-tas." Robin gestures her breasts. Susan seems sorry for Robin but Gaby excalims, "That is fantastic!" Susan asks if they just heard the same story, "You have got to tell that story to Ana, putting off your dreams and then having your life spiral down the crapper. It couldn't be more perfect!" Robin says that she guesses she could talk to Ana if Gaby thinks it might help. "Great. And don't be afraid to turn on the water works, nothing sells pathetic like stripper tears." Gaby tells her. Susan tells Gaby that maybe it would help she began taping her so she could hear what it is she says.

Gaby and Ana are walking up to 4349 Wisteria Lane, shielding themselves from the rain, with large, pink, suitcases in their hands. Gaby is giving Ana modelling tips and as they reach the porch, Danny runs up behind them, wanting to talk to Ana. "Where you been? I was texting you." he tells her, Ana says she was juts coming over, Danny notices the suitcases and asks if they're taking a trip. "I'm sure you two have alot to talk about, so, I'll just take these inside for you." Gaby takes the suitcases and heads on inside the house. "What do you need luggage for?" Danny asks after Gaby leaves.

Gaby stares out of the window of her house to view the argument ensuing between Danny and Ana on the porch, "I was just on my way to tell you right now!" Ana yells, he wonders what happened and she tells him that she just found out. "I thought we were supposed to go together!" Danny reminds her. He asks her why she can't wait. "This is a huge oppurtunity, you should be saying, 'Great, Ana, go for it!', if you can't even support me then maybe we shouldn't even be in a relationship!" Ana yells. Gaby smiles from behind the window.

Robin is jogging along the lane and goes in front of 4349 Wisteria Lane, Gaby quickly runs out of her house to catch her up and Robin stops to converse. "I've been meaning to thank you, your little speech to Ana worked like a charm. I just took her to the airport" Gaby tells her, "That's great. So, why was she fighting with Danny Bolen yesterday?" Robin asks, Gaby tells her that they were breaking up, "They were dating?" Robin wonders, "Yeah, that's the whole reason I wanted you to talk to her. To convince her she was screwing up her life so I could ship her off to New York and get her away from Danny." Gaby explains. Robin seems annoyed and notes that Gaby didn't tell her that part and that she doesn't like to be used. Gaby tells her not to be sad as she did good and she owes her big time. Gaby walks away and Robin looks over at the Bolens' house.

Danny is fixing his bicycle in his garage and Robin rushes over to him, telling him that they need to talk. "Sorry, it's really not a good time." he tells her, "Actually, this is exactly the time." Robin tells him. Danny is ready to listen.

Gaby approaches Carlos with a glass of wine in her hand, telling him that Ana has arrived in New York and her modeling career is set into motion. "And, the best part is, she is miles away from the nearest Bolen." Carlos and Gabrielle clink their wine glasses in a celebratory manor.

Across the street, Danny is all packed and loads his suitcase into the cab that is pulled up in front of his house. Danny looks at the lane and then gets into the cab. The cab drives away.

Act IV

Susan and The Stripper

Mike walks through the door and removes his coat, Susan, who is in the kitchen with Robin, tells him he has perfect timing. He tells her that something smells good and she tells him that she's putting on the finishing touches before they eat. She dumps the take-out burger on the plate and says she's done. "Oh, you spoil me." he says jokingly before briefly kissing his wife. When leaning out of the kiss his back twinges and he seems in pain, Susan asks him what's wrong. "Is it your back again?" she asks, he tells her that he's been working all day in a crawl space. "Aw, I'll call the ciopractor first thing in the morning." she assures him. "No need for that, I can fix it." says Robin. She runs over to be standing behind Mike, she grabs his arms and crosses them over so his hands met the opposite shoulders. He asks her what she's doing, "At Double Ds, the girls were constantly throwing their backs out from sliding down that pole, they all came to see me." Robin explains. She tells Mike to relax and counts to three before shifting him upwards, making an audible click in his back. She asks Mike how he feels, he seems relieved, "Oh, my God. It's gone! The pain's gone!" he exclaims, happily. Susan seems amazed and thanks Robin for what she did. "I was just gonna give him a scotch and make him sleep in the guest room." Susan says. "Seriously, you really fixed me up. Thanks." Mike tells her. "Oh, please, after everything that you guys have done for me, it's the least I could do." Robin says. Robin and Mike hug and Susan maintains an uncomfortable smile.

Susan walks through the door with groceries and announces that she's home. "In here!" Mike calls from the lounge, Susan walks over to see him and is shocked to see him lying on the floor with Robin, in a revealing outfit, walking up and down his back. He says that his back went out again. "Robin tried cracking it but it didn't go deep enough." Mike explains, "This is the way the Buddhist monks do it. It's the only way to get through all that muscle." Robin explains. Susan looks down at Robin's feet on Mike's back and he asks her if there's a problem. "No, no problem." Susan laughs, clearly lying. "Looks like you're in good hands, or... feet." She says she's going to go make dinner and walks out to the kitchen, dumping the grocery bag on the counter and listening in to Robin and Mike. "How does that feel?" she hears Robin ask, "Ah, yes, do that, do that!" Mike exclaims. "...And a little more." Robin says as Susan unpacks the groceries. "Ah, you really got it." Mike says, "So, I... I ran into Janice White today!" Susna yells, trying to shut them both up. "Says her husband is sick!" Susan continues before hearing Robin say, "Oh, that's really stiff! Let me try something else." she informs him, "Oh, you're the boss." he tells her. "Apparantly it's bacterial and he's bloting like a pig!" Susan yells, still trying to change the subject. "I'm gonna garb it and pull." she hears Robin say. "Oh, boy!" Mike exclaims, "And there's alot of diahorrea!" Susan yells. "Oh, yes! Oh, yes!" Mike yells, Susan has had enough, drops the grocery and runs into the room that Mike and Robin is in. She is shocked to see Robin stretching Mike's leg in the air whilst bent over, keeping it there with one hand with her other hand leant on his other thight. Mike tells Susan that what Robin is doing is great. "Those monks really know what they're doing." he says, "Yeah, well, when do they find time to pray?" Susan jokingly asks, still uncomforted by the situation.

Susan is putting on her coat as Mike enters the house, she tells him that she's going to school and says that the faculty offered to make sandwiches for the homeless. He says he'll see her later and she notices his back twinge and him moan in pain. She asks him what's wrong, "I re-piped and entire house today, even my hair hurts." he tells her. She asks him if he wants the heated pad but he tells her that he'll be okay. "I'll just have Robin crack my back when she gets home." he tells her, "Or I could stay home and do it?" Susan suggests. Mike asks about the homeless, "Oh, please, they've gone this long without food, what's another ten minutes?" Susan asks as she takes her coat back off. Mike asks if she has a problem with Robin working on him but she professes that she does not. "But she's not here and you're in pain, so, why not let me have a shot at it?" she asks, he allows it but asks her if she knows what she's doing, Susan says that Robin didn't exactly go to medical school between lap dances and that she saw what she did and can do the same thing. Mike is cautious. Susan goes behind Mike and lifts his arms so that his hands meet the opposite shoulders, he tells her not to be so rough, "The trick is relaxation, now, one, two..."

"You know, if you hadn't moved when I said, 'three'..." Susan says to Mike who is lying in a hosital bed with a neck brace on. "Just... go." he tells her, Susan leaves the room to step out into the hospital corridor where she meets Robin and MJ. "Oh, my God, Susan, is Mike gonna be alright?" Robin asks, MJ asks if he can see him and Susan says he can but warns him not to climb on the bed, MJ goes on into his father's hospital room leaving Susan and Robin to talk in the corridor. "Why didn't you wait for me? I would've taken care of Mike's back, no problem." Robin wonders, "Well, I... wanted to do it myself." Susan says, Robin accepts the answer and Susan quickly admits that she's lying and didn't want to do it but just really wanted Robin not to do it. Robin doesn't understand. "God, I'm trying really hard to be cool about all this, but when I walked in and I saw you all over Mike..." Susan starts, "You mean when I was cracking his back?" Robin asks, saying that she was just trying to help, "While you were wearing next to nothingand straddling my husband! How was I supposed to react? You used to be a stripper." Susan explains.Robin begins to tear up, Susan tells her not to cry and reminds her that strippers are supposed to be tough, "Stop calling me that!" Robin exclaims, "Yes, I was a stripper, but, you know what, you were the only person who never treated me like one! Until now." Robin apologizes if she crossed the line with Mike but says that she's been working for so long at Double Ds that she doesn't know where the line is anymore. Susan says that she overreacted.Robin suggests that she move out but Susan tells her that she doesn't have to do that. "But I want us to be friends for a very long time. So yes, I do." she says. They hear Mike scream in pain and Mj rushes out of the room, "Daddy needs help making the bed go back down!" he yells.

Act V

Katherine and The Stripper

Robin knocks on Katherine's door and Katherine answers it, Robin explains that Susan and Mike asked her to bring her some of her mail, Robin hands Katherine some envelopes and Katherine thanks her. "I'm Robin, we met at your party." Robin reminds her, "Yeah, I remember." Katherine says. Robin asks her how it's going, "Oh, I think you heard about my little vacation at Fairview behavioural." Katherine tells her. Robin says that she did hear and Katherine goes on telling her that it was hard, especially coming back to her big, empty house with all of the subtle glances she receives from people judging her. "You know what I say? 'To hell with them!'" Robin tells her, they both laugh."Thank you, well, see you." Katherine says. "And hey, if this house gets too lonely, I'm looking for a room to rent." Robin tells her, saying that Mike and Susan are great but it's getting a little crowded over there. Katherine says that she'll keep it in mind and Robin says, "It might take some of the heat off of you, I mean, no one judges the woman from the looney bin when there's a stripper next to her." Katherine laughs before Robin leaves and she closes the door behind her.

Later, Katherine and Robin are unpacking Robin's possessions in Katherine's home, presumably, Katherine accepted Robin's request to let her move in. "This is great, I haven't had a female roomate since... after college." Katherine says, "Let's hear for girl power!" Robin exclaims. Robin then suggests that they should go out and have a drink together to celebrate. "Oh, I don't know, my therapist says I should get out more, but... even being over at Gaby's house the other day... it's just hard." Katherine says. Robin says that she gets that. "So what was it like being in a mental hospital?" Robin asks, bluntly. "You know, not as much fun as one would expect." Katherine responds, "I only ask because of my mom, she used to use me as a punching bagand I always dreamed about having her committed." Robin says. Katherine offers her sorrow on the matter but Robin says that it was only when she was drunk. "It was her way of coping with my dad cheating on her all the time. I remember wishing he was ugly so that other women wouldn't want him, but... he looked like Clooney's twin. Anyway, mom had to take out her anger somewhere and I was an easier target than a 6"4 trucker." Robin explains. "Actually, it's pretty bad at the hospital. People always say it's the screaming that gets to you, but... at least screaming means you're alive, you know? What I couldn't take were the... blank stares. There was this one woman who sat, frozen, in the garden all day... whispering the words to Old McDonald Had a Farm over and over and over." Katherine tells her. "Did the doctors ever take offense when she got to, 'Here a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack, quack'?" Robin asks, jokingly, causing them both to laugh. "You know what? If there were ever two people who deserved a night out, drinking. It's us." Katherine tells her.

Over at a bar, Katherine is drinking with Robin and asks her, since she told her what it was like being in a mental hospital, what it was like to be a stripper. "Ooh, it was brutal, if I had a dollar for every guy that smacked me on my butt just because he felt like it, come to think of it, I do." Robin says. Katherine laughsand a guy comes up to the two of them and tells them that his friend and he were wondering if they'd like to join them at their table. "No, thank you, it's girls' night out." Robin explains. "Two beautiful women in a bar, can't blame a guy for asking." he says, telling them where he is in case they changes their minds. He leaves. "Is it bad that I want to go sit with them?" Katherine asks, "You do?!" Robin excalims, "Yeah, it's been a while since a guy that cute has flirted with me." Katherine tells her."You know what, let's do it." Robin says, telling Katherine that she looks way too hot to waste it on just her. "Shall we?" Robin says before the two of them go off to join the guys.

"Come on, you gotta have a secret?" the original guy's friend asks, "Nope, it's shampoo and conditioner." Robin tells them. They say that she should be on the cover of hair magazines. Katherine, who's clearly feeling neglected, rolls her eyes at this. They ask her what she doesand Robin changes the subject by telling them that her friend, Katherine, is starting her own catering company, "Oh, well, I'm thinking about it, cooking is a passionof mine, but, alot has to happen before I start my own business." Katherine tells them. They briefly take this on board before they go back to guessing Robin's job, "I know, you're a model?" one of them asks, Robin denies it, it takes them guessing a dental hygenist and a flight attendant before Katherine comes out with, "She's a stripper, okay?!" she apologizes to Robin after saying so, though. The original guy wonders why she's apologizing because they love strippers. "Well, we should probably get going." Robin says, the guys try to stop her by offering to dance, "Oh, I don't really feel like dancing, although, I can't speak for Katherine, here." Robin tells him, the original guy then says that he wants to dance with Robin, "Oh, you're not attracted to someone who's clever, witty and, not to mention, breathtakingly beautiful?" Robin asks as she and Katherine stand up, ready to leave. Robin is told that she is more their type. "Oh, well, in that case, I'm just gonna have to keep her all to myself." Robin says, she then starts to make out with Katherine to prove a point to the guys. They then both leave, smug as they do so.

Back at Katherine's place, her and Robin are laughing about the looks on those guys faces, "It was the perfect combo of, 'I am so turned on' and 'I am so going home alone'." Robin says before telling Katherine that she should remember that next time she wants to get out of a bad date. Katherine pours herself a galss of wine and sits on the couch with Robin, "Oh, I don't think so, those two pigs have confirmed what I've been thinking for a while now, I think it's time for me to give up on men." she tells her. "A-men, sister." Robin says before the two of them clink glasses. Katherine declares it official that her dating days are over. "Oh, you don't have to take it that far, you can always do what I did and... explore other options." Katherine wonders what she means, "Cast a wider net... Expand the pool... Date chicks." Robin tells her, "Oh... so, you're a..." Robin confirms it, Katherine says that she thought that kiss felt awfully convincing. "I dated guys for a long time but I just never really felt a connection and then I started stripping and I was surrounded by all of these confident, sexy women, and I realized, 'Robin, sweetie, you have been barking up the wrong tree'." Robin explains, "Yeah, I think I've got the right tree, just sick of barking." Katherine responds. "Well, suit yourself." Robin says before getting up and heading for the stairs, "You're okay with this, right? It's not gonna affect anything with us?" she asks, Katherine says that she doesn't see why it would. At that, Robin goes upstairs and Katherine turns around, obviously feeling uncomfortable, and she downs her wine.

Act VI

Robin

Robin is walking down Wisteria Lane, listening to some music, when she walks into Karen McCluskey, "Hey, Robin, what are you up to?" Karen asks, "Just out for a walk. It's such a nice day" Robin tells her. Karen agrees with her, "So, how do you like the neighborhood, is everyone treating you okay?" she asks. Robin says she guesses so, "No one's giving you any guff about being a stripper, are they?" Karen asks, Robin assures her that they aren't and Karen says that she just wanted to make sure and goes on to say that she was in the sex-trade herself as a model for women's foundation garments. "These breasts put me through college... They're real, by the way." Karen informs her, "They looks real." Robin says, "Yeah..." Karen replies before telling Robin that she's glad people are treating her nice, "You know what the best part is? They actually see me." Robin tells her, "See you?" McCluskey asks, "I spent alot of years working at a place where people would stare at me all night long, but people never really... saw me. You know what I mean?" Robin explains. Karen says that she does and Robin goes on to say, "When I first got here I thought it was gonna be the same thing, but... I get that feeling that your neighbors see past all the stuff that people usually look at. It makes me feel really good." Karen says that she's glad. Robin then continues listening to her music and her and Mrs. McCluskey part ways.

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Robin Gallagher was right, the people she had met on Wisteria Lane really looked at her. And they had seen...
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Robin begins to walk down Wisteria Lane.

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Her sense of morality...
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Robin walks past 4349 Wisteria Lane and Gabrielle stops what she is doing and looks at her.

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Her loyal heart...
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Robin walks past 4353 Wisteria Lane and Susan stops what she is doing and looks at her.

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Her surprising insight...
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Robin walks past 4354 Wisteria Lane and Bree stops what she is doing and looks at her.

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Her forgiving nature...
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Robin walks past 4355 Wisteria Lane and Lynette stops what she is doing and looks at her.

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Some people had even taken notice of her incredible beauty...
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Robin walks up the pathway of 4356 Wisteria Lane and up the porch where Katherine is sitting, they smile at each other and then Robin heads on inside. Katherine's face begins to show and expression of attraction followed by one of confusion.

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And were surprised to discover they liked what they saw.
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Mary Alice Young

Notes




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