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You Could Drive a Person Crazy

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You Could Drive a Person Crazy
2x02
Season
Episode
02
Airdate
October 2, 2005
Viewers (mil)
27.11 million
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Flashback
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Centric character(s)
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Viewers
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Special Guest Star
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Uncredited
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"You Could Drive a Person Crazy" is the 25th episode of Desperate Housewives.

Summary

Susan is surprised, and not pleasantly so, when she finds out who Edie's new boyfriend is - her ex-husband Karl. Meanwhile, Lynette has gone back to work, leaving Tom in charge of the house. She now has a problem with getting Tom to keep the house clean on a more daily basis. Bree's mother-in-law, Phyllis, continues to drive her crazy with her melodramatic grieving in public places. Carlos makes an unusual request to Gabrielle after his life is threatened behind bars. Lastly, Betty Applewhite runs into some problems regarding the keeping of her secrets, and pharmacist George Williams reemerges in Bree's life, which sets off an alarm to Phyllis and her suspicions surrounding her son's death.

Plot

Previously on Desperate Housewives

Quote1
Some households reverse roles, some old flames were put out, and while some learn to forgive, others could not bring themselves to forget their past.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young"
  • Lynette asks Tom why he would let the kids finger-paint before breakfast, and he tells her it's his call now. ("Next")
  • Karl tells Susan that he wants to get back together. ("Move On")
  • Dr. Lee Craig suggests to Rex that he has been ingesting potassium served to him by whoever prepares his meals, and the latter writes a note to Bree claiming to understand and forgive her. ("One Wonderful Day")
  • Mike tells Susan the story about Deirdre and his baby. She storms out. ("Next")
  • Betty sets up the food tray for her prisoner. ("Next")

Teaser

A young boy is seen doing his paper route all through Wisteria Lane.

Quote1
The remarkable thing about Danny Farrell was that he had only been a paperboy for six months, and in that time he had become the enemy of every woman on Wisteria Lane. If there was a puddle on someone's property, he found it. If a new rosebush had just been planted, he destroyed it. If a cat was enjoying a moment in the sun, he ended it. People wondered if Danny would ever change. They should have talked to Susan Mayer. She could have told them obnoxious boys tend to become obnoxious men. Just like the one she had been married to.
Quote2
Susan catches Karl

Susan catches Karl coming out of Edie's home.

Susan gets out of her house, in her nightwear, with a cup of coffee. She notices her newspaper is in the middle of the road in front of her house, and becomes frustrated. She puts the cup down and walks barefoot to the middle of the road where she picks up the newspaper. When she gets up, she notices her ex-husband, Karl Mayer, walking out of Edie Britt's home wearing nothing but an opened robe and boxer shorts. Karl picks up Edie's newspaper, and Susan rushes over to him. Karl spots her and turns his back to her, slowly resuming his walk toward the house, but Susan yells at him to stop because she can see him there, and so he does. Susan asks him if he spent the night with Edie; Karl smirks. Susan is shocked, and she then forbids him from ever seeing her again. Karl reminds her that they're divorced and she can't tell him who he can date, but Susan reminds in that she and their daughter live on that street, and she will not have him flaunting his sexcapades in front of them. Karl says he'd love to continue their conversation, but it's time for breakfast and Edie's making him a frittata. Susan gives him a lame comeback ("Well, I... just bet she is!") and then storms off as he gets inside the house.
Y01

Danny goes down.

Danny approaches her from behind, on his bicycle, and tells her they need to talk. Susan claims it's not a good time, and he says she's a month behind in your payments. Susan promises she'll take care of it, and Danny states that his father said that if one reads something and doesn't pay for it, that's the same as stealing. Susan waves at Ida Greenberg, who's across the street with her shopping cart. Ida notices them arguing and follows them around. Susan tells Danny to save it for some other time as she's just found out her ex is sleeping with her neighbor and thus she's really ticked off. Danny tells her to save her excuses and explains that he provides her with a service and demands that he be paid for that service. When he wheels away, he calls her a deadbeat. Susan angrily throws her newspaper at him and it gets lodged in his front wheel, causing him to fall to the road. Susan gasps, but when she turns to Ida, the latter smiles and gives her a "thumbs-up". Susan smiles too.

Quote1
Yes, the women of Wisteria Lane believed Danny Farrell to be the enemy. They also believed that the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Act I

Quote1
Beautiful lawns. Spacious homes. Happy families. These are the hallmarks of suburbia. But if you look beneath the veneer of gracious living, you will see a battle raging: a battle for control. You see the combatants everywhere, engaged in their routine skirmishes, fighting fiercely to have dominion over the world around them. All the while knowing it's a battle they will lose.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Lynette is having her morning tea in the kitchen while Penny sits in her high chair, Tom does the newspaper puzzles, and Parker handles some drawings of his. Lynette heads toward the sink and notices it is full of unwashed dishes and other things. Tom tells her he can put her mug anywhere, and that he'll take care of it.

Y02

Lynette holds up a dirty plate.

When Lynette points that their dirty stuff is really piling up, he tells her he has a system: every two days he cleans. He lets the mess accumulate for two days, and then he cleans everything up until it's sparkling again, and the cycle starts all over. Lynette puts down her tea mug and asks him why she's never seen the sparkling part, and Tom explains to her that by the time she gets home the kids have already messed everything up again. Lynette calls that a flaw in the system. Tom asks her what she's doing, and Lynette explains that she's asking him to clean the house. Tom takes that as a criticism, and Lynette reassures him it's not. However, when she jokingly says it doesn't have to be sparkling, he points out that he's come home many times to find the house in a complete mess and yet he never said a word. Lynette tells him not to misinterpret their conversation, as she thinks he's doing a terrific job, but to be clear, when he came home from work it was to clutter, but what is happening right now is more than that (as she says this, she picks up a plate from the kitchen table that is filthy and has a fork glued to it by the food remnants). Lynette then notices a fly on the table and whacks it with the newspaper.

Bree and her mother-in-law, Phyllis, are seen at a dry cleaning store, operated by Mr. Pashmutti. He is seen talking to some customers after handing them their clothes, and Phyllis tells Bree that him chatting away is so inconsiderate. Bree reminds her that they have only been waiting for two minutes, and she herself reminds Bree that when they left the house she'd told her she needed to eat. Phyllis then asks if (because she has a low blood sugar level) Bree wants to see her keel over. Bree responds with "No. In theory." When Mr. Pashmutti finally gets to them, he tells Bree he's heard of her husband's passing, and that he is terribly sorry. He adds that Dr. Van de Kamp was truly one of his favorite customers. Bree replies that that's very sweet of him, and thanks the man.

Y03

Phyllis tells random strangers of her son's passing.

When she begins to turn away, he stops her and insists that he's not just being polite, then asking her how she's doing. Phyllis cuts in front of Bree and tells the man that they're doing the best they can under the circumstances. Bree introduces Phyllis to Mr. Pashmutti as Rex's mother, and he tells her he is very sorry about her son. Phyllis thanks him, and goes on to say that the hardest thing is to lose a child. Bree tries to rush her, and Phyllis tells the owner that they had no warning, and she herself was doing dishes when she got the call. Bree reminds her that there are people waiting, and so she starts to leave. The woman after her steps in front and Phyllis addresses her, apologizing for keeping her waiting, and adding that her son has just died. The woman tells her she's so sorry, and Phyllis explains that she was just telling Mr. Pashmutti that her life is over. She starts to breakdown, and Bree becomes angry... again.

Gabrielle is visiting Carlos in jail, bringing him cheques for him to sign. She says what they're doing is ridiculous, because she could be signing those cheques at home herself. She adds that it is very vindictive of him to take away her access to their account. She asks him if he knows how long it takes her to schlep all the way to that hellhole, and Carlos replies "Exactly. That's the only way I can guarantee you'll come and visit me", to which she says "That's ridiculous. You're my husband, I love you. Obviously, I would come visit".

Y04

Despite their arguing, Gabby and Carlos part with a kiss.

Carlos says that he though when someone loved someone else, it was obvious they wouldn't have affairs, but apparently he was wrong. Gabby lets him know that she's tired of that song, and asks him if it's not about time he forgave her. He says that if she wants his forgiveness he's got it, but his trust is gonna have to be earned. Gabrielle tells him to be careful, because up until now she's been feeling really lonely in that big bed of theirs, and when he's rude it makes her feel like not being so lonely. Carlos replies that statements like that are why she's never again gonna have access to his money. Gabrielle loudly asks him why are all rich men jerks, and he says that it's for the same reason why all beautiful women are bitches. He closes the book, as everyone in the visiting room stares at them, and asks her "Same time tomorrow?"; Gabby says "Sure, baby". They kiss and she walks away.

Y05

Susan talks to Julie about her father's "sexcapades".

Susan is doing the laundry in her home, with Julie sitting nearby. "What do you mean, you know?", the former asks, and Julie says "I mean I know". She asks her if her father actually told her he was gonna have a one-night stand with Edie Britt, and Julie tells her this wasn't a one-night stand, as he's been going out with Ms. Britt for a few months now. Susan scolds her for not telling it to her earlier, contradicting that thing that they have, sharing everything with one another. Julie reminds her that Susan's always told her to respect other people's privacy, and Susan says that rule doesn't apply to her father's sex life and she knows it. She then starts ripping it into Edie Britt, saying that she is sure that that "peroxyde vulture" only went after Karl to tick Susan off. Julie says "Wrong again.": Karl asked her out. He called her for a date six months ago, the day after her birthday party. Susan tells Julie her father came over that day and said some stuff to her. Some stuff that she hasn't and can't tell her daughter. Julie asks what about that thing they have with sharing everything with one another, and Susan says that the thing they have is actually sharing clothes.

Y06

The Applewhites dine quietly... but not in silence.

Inside the Applewhite basement, at night, the prisoner keeps pulling his chains, which are wedged around his bed's frame, producing a clanging sound. Upstairs, Betty and Matthew are having dinner, and the latter asks his mom why the guy keeps doing that. Betty says he knows it's annoying and he's just trying to get to them. Matthew says it's working. He then gets up, opens the door to the basement, and yells "Knock it off down there! Do you hear what I'm saying?"; the clanging doesn't subside, and Betty calls him out, telling him to sit down. He gets back to the table, after closing the door to the basement, and sits down, reminding her son that he knows they don't talk to him; that's part of his punishment. Matthew asks her how she can sit there, hour after hour, and listen to that. Betty says "Well, that's part of mine". They continue dining, in silence.

Act II

Carlos comes out into the visiting room in prison, where Gabrielle is already waiting for him, re-touching her makeup. She asks him what is the emergency that forced her to come in again, as she had to cancel a hair appointment in order to be there for him. Carlos looks concerned and Gabrielle asks him what's wrong. Carlos tells her that he's completely freaked out, because there's this guy in jail called Richie who's been saying some stuff to him that's got him worried. Gabrielle misinterprets the conversation, and tells Carlos to tell Richie that he's flattered but that he doesn't "swing that way". Carlos explains to her that Richie's not hitting on him, he's threatening him: he said he's gonna beat up Carlos unless he comes up with seven thousand dollars. Gabby is surprised at the big amount of money he's requesting, and asks how he knows Carlos can get him that much cash. He explains that the day before, in a room filled with convicted criminals, his wife referred to him as a "rich man". Gabby apologizes, and Carlos explains that that is why he needed her to bring the chequebook. When she asks if he's actually willing to take a cheque, Carlos says that she's gonna have to take the money to Richie's girlfriend, and if she doesn't get it by tomorrow, he's screwed. Gabrielle tries to tell him that they can't give in to extorsion, because if they do that guy is just gonna keep coming back for more money. Carlos asks her what other choice he has, and she reminds him that he's an athletic guy who went to college on a sports scholarship. He tells her it was for golf. Gabby says "Oh..."

Susan answers the door, and Mike is standing there. He tells her that she's got all his pants, and she says she knows, and tells him to come in. He does so, and tells her that he thought when he moved back to his house that he took everything with him, but Susan tells him that's fine, and the pants are in the garage. Mike heads there, and she asks him how he's been doing, to which he replies, while bringing back a box with his pants, that he's doing good. He then sighs, puts the box down and tells her he's got a question for her: "Where are we now? (...) We're not moving in together, we're not broken up, so... where are we?".

Y07

There they go again.

Susan responds that she doesn't know. Since the kid that held her hostage turned out to be Mike's son, she thinks logic dictates that she should move on, but... the problem is she's crazy about him. So she thinks they should keep things casual. He takes that information in, and then asks her what it means exactly. She says there's nothing wrong with the two of them seeing a movie every once in a while, and he asks her if that's it, whilst approaching her. She then says there's no law against jogging, and he leans even closer and asks her if there's anything. Susan says "Shopping. That's casual. That's fun.", and he asks if there's anything at all else they can do, and then leans forward and kisses her. She breaks off the kiss, feeling uncomfortable, and tells him brunch would be nice. He nods positively, grabs his box of clothing, tells her that sounds good to him, and then leaves.

At Bree's house, Phyllis is talking to someone over the phone, saying "All I can do is take it one day at a time.", as Bree comes downstairs. Phyllis starts to sob and thanks the person on the other side of the phone for calling, as Bree notices her. Phyllis hangs up, crying, and Bree asks her who that was. Phyllis says it was someone named Allan Hanley, and Bree ponders about the name and is reminded that it's her electrician. She asks her mother-in-law why she was on the phone sobbing to her electrician, to which she replies that he had called to offer Bree his condolences. She then asks why she didn't put her on, and Phyllis explains that they got to talking and then he had to go. Apparently, Mr. Hanley had some very beautiful things to say about Rex. Phyllis breaks down in tears again, which annoys Bree, leading her to ask if she ever worries about dehydration. Phyllis asks her daughter-in-law if she thinks she's too emotional, and Bree tells her that even Italians take a break now and then. Phyllis explains that her son is dead, and she is grieving. Bree says that she is as well, but no one would ever know that, what with her incessant caterwauling. Phyllis becomes upset, and Bree tells her that people wanna know how the widow's doing, but everytime they ask Phyllis jumps in and steals the spotlight. Bree needs consoling too. Phyllis apologizes and then gets up, saying it won't happen again. Bree thanks her, but then Phyllis turns back to her and says "Of course, if you didn't constantly suppress your emotions, people wouldn't forget to console you. (...) You're stoic to the point of being cold." Bree explains that she just doesn't like public displays of emotion, and Phyllis acknowledges that that's fine, but some people have wondered why they haven't seen her cry, and some people actually wonder if she truly mourns Rex. Bree asks her if people have said that, to which she replies "A few. Yes.", and then she walks away, leaving Bree looking concerned.

Gabrielle arrives at a seemingly bad neighborhood, filled with run-down houses, and she's carrying an envelope with the cash Carlos had told her to bring. She approaches a woman who is shucking corn, sitting on the front stoop of a house, and tells her that she is looking for a "Rita Rivera". The woman bangs her can on the door right behind her, and a trashy-looking woman shows up. Gabby asks her if she's Rita, to which the woman replies "Yeah. Who are you?"; Gabrielle introduces herself, and tells her that their husbands are roommates at the prison. Rita says that Richie and her aren't married, and Gabby then corrects herself, saying that Rita's boyfriend asked her husband to give this (she hands her the envelope) to her. Rita takes the envelope, checks it, and Gabrielle tells her that the seven thousand dollars are all there. Rita seems angry, lets out a "Son of a bitch!" and throws the cash to the floor, then storming inside the house, closing the door behind her. The woman chucking corn looks at the money and then back at Gabby, who says "Oh, don't even think about it"; she begins collecting the cash and calls out for Rita, asking if there's a problem.

Y08

"What do you think of my breasts?"

Rita comes out of the house, takes Gabby's cash from her, and says she's got a question for her, which might seem kinda weird: what does she think of her breasts? Gabby is surprised and tells her they're nice. Rita genuinely thanks her, and says she likes them too. Gabby tells her "You're right, that was weird", and then she turns her back and starts to walk away. Rita stops her, saying "You have no idea what this money's for, do you?"; Gabby replies that she doesn't, as it seems as though Rita's got everything she needs. Rita tells her that Richie wants her to get a boob job, as he's obsessed with huge breasts. She then begins counting the money, and Gabby promptly asks her if she's gonna go through with it. Rita explains that she had told him if he managed to come up with the cash, she would, she just never thought the moron would actually be able to come up with it. Gabby tells her that, even though it's not really her business, it is Rita's body, and she herself wouldn't change anything unless she really wanted to. Rita explains that if she doesn't, her boyfriend will leave her, and Gabby adds that he's in jail, so he can't really go far. She says that maybe it is time Rita stood up for herself and tell her boyfriend that she doesn't need the surgery, and Rita says it's worth a shot. Gabby smiles and says "There you go. I'm so proud of you", immediately taking the money back from Rita's hands, and walking away.

Act III

Quote1
When Lynette went back to work, she was aware her new job would be demading. What she hadn't anticipated was the night shift.
Quote2

Lynette comes home from her job that night, and notices that the house is a complete mess. She is then seen entering her bedroom, coming from the bathroom, and crawling into bed. Tom, who was asleep, is woken up by her, and he says he thought he'd heard her come in about an hour before. Lynette says she did, but she had to load the dishwasher. Tom yawns and explains to her she didn't have to do that. Lynette says she sort of did. He apologizes and says that he's fallen behind on his housework, as he's had too many errands to run that day. He promises to make up for that tomorrow, and claims that that's the beauty of his system: it's flexible. Lynette is annoyed by this and tells him not to mention his "system" again, for the sake of their marriage. He says he had told her he was sorry, and she notices something in the bed that gets her attention: apparently, Penny had a little "spitty-uppy" on the sheets. Lynette is shocked at the fact that her husband didn't change them, and he explains that the towel that's covering the milk spit-up is clean, and that she should respect his judgment call. She tells him she can't respect that because it's stupid, and that she's gonna get new sheets.

Y09

Tom won't allow his wife to change the sheets.

Tom tells her in a raised voice that they are not changing the sheets. She asks him why he's yelling at her, and he tells her he's not, and that this whole situation is not about the spit-up. She says it is, but he corrects her, saying it's about control, and they both know she's got a problem with that. She asks him why he's fighting so hard to sleep on baby vomit, and he claims that he is fighting for a principle. She tells him that being too lazy to change the sheets is not a principle. He explains that she's not gonna win this one, and then pulls the blanket over and tells her to crawl into bed so they can go to sleep. Lynette throws the towel away, yanks the blanket from him, and then the top sheet. He grabs it and pulls it back to cover him again, and she tries to take it away from him. They fight for possession of the sheet, and then Lynette finally yanks it from him and starts to try and take off the sheet where Tom's lying down on top of. He won't move, and Lynette finally caves in after a while, grabbing a pillow and hitting him on the stomach with it. She leaves the room and rushes downstairs, taking the pillow with her, and lies down on the couch, before noticing a toy truck there. She throws it away, and turns on the TV.

Quote1
Normally, Lynette would have spent a sleepless night telling herself she didn't have control issues...
Quote2

The movie The Rats is playing on the TV, featuring a man in a house that is infested by rats.

Quote1
But she couldn't. She was too busy figuring out how to bend Tom to her will.
Quote2
Mary Alice Young
Lynette and rat

Lynette lets a rat loose in the house.

The next day, Lynette, in her business suit, comes inside the house, holding a box, calls out for whomever might be there, but gets no response, so she puts the box down, opens it, and out comes a small mouse. The mouse starts exploring the house, and Lynette couldn't be happier.

Out on the street, Betty Applewhite gets out of her car and is spotted by Susan, who was watering her lawn. Susan calls out for her, whilst rushing out of her frontyard, and tells her she wants to ask her a question. Betty, with a smile, says "Of course. It's Susan, right?", and Susan says it is, and then asks if she is having some remodelling done in her house or something. Betty says she isn't, and asks her why. Susan explains that she works at home, and thus she is home a lot, working, and she keeps hearing these strange noises lately, which make it hard for her to concentrate. Betty says she hasn't noticed anything, and Susan is surprised by her response, as the noises do seem to be coming out of her house. They sound like a clanging sound.

Betty and Susan

Susan talks to Betty about the strange noises.

The sound starts up yet again, coming from inside the Applewhite house, and Susan points out that there they are, yet again. Betty has no choice but to acknowledge them, and explains to Susan that Matthew's very handy, and thus he is always doing projects around the house. Betty just doesn't notice the noise anymore. Susan says "Even at 2 o'clock in the morning? Cos that's kinda hard to miss"; Betty apologizes and tells her that Matthew is something of an insomniac, but she will talk to him and they'll put a stop to it. Matthew walks up behind Betty, coming from the street and carrying a shopping bag, and greets Susan. She greets him back, surprised to see him, and therefore Betty's story is broken down. She tells Susan that it was nice chatting with her, and walks inside the house. Susan appears to be a bit thrown off.

At a restaurant, Bree and Phyllis are sitting at a table, and the former is talking over the phone (or leaving a message) to Joe Flannery, her insurance agent, saying that this is the third time she's called and if she doesn't hear from someone soon she's going to be irritated. When she hangs up, Phyllis asks if everything is all right, and Bree explains that the insurance company is dragging its heels on paying Rex's policy and she doesn't understand why. Phyllis explains that her son died unexpectedly, and that brings up a lot of questions. Bree checks the menu, and Phyllis adds that it's probably easier when people are just diseased. Bree looks at her and responds with a "Probably". Lynette comes in and greets them, giving Bree a kiss. Lynette asks if she's interrupting, and Bree says she isn't. Lynette says that she saw her walk into the restaurant, and she's been meaning to call since the service, but work's been too crazy. She asks her how she's doing. Bree says she's all right, and Phyllis gives out a hic of a sob, but then composes herself. Lynette tells Bree that she looks amazing, and Phyllis lets out a sigh. Bree is annoyed. Lynette says she can't imagine what she's going through, and Phyllis starts huffing.

Y10

Phyllis takes comfort in Lynette's arm.

Bree gives her an ice-cold smile and tells her she's gonna have to stop that. Phyllis, sobbing, explains that she can't help it: when people talk about Rex, she just gets emotional. Lynette has no choice but to offer Phyllis her condolences as well, and the woman adds that he was her first-born and she doesn't know what she will do without him. Phyllis takes Lynette's arm and leans her head against it, crying. Lynette asks her friend if her mother-in-law's gonna be okay, to which she replies "Hum... yeah, sure. Hold on a second." Bree gets up from her chair, takes Phyllis' face and slaps her across the cheek. She then returns to her seat and says, to Phyllis, "There we go. Feel better?". Phyllis is shocked, and so is Lynette. Bree asks her friend what she was saying, and Lynette tells her that she forgot. Bree tells her that's okay, and it was really sweet of her to stop by. Lynette awkwardly leaves, and Bree asks her mother-in-law if she is ready to order or if she will need a little more time. Phyllis is still in a state of shock.

At the hospital, Dr. Lee Craig and Joe Flannery are walking together, and the latter explains that he's worked in the insurance industry for 15 years and yet he's never received a phone call like that. Dr. Craig explains to him that he's having second thoughts about Rex's death. He adds that he's known Rex and Bree for nearly 20 years and he's never had any reason to suspect they were anything but a happy, loving couple. He hands Mr. Flannery a note and tells him that's exactly why this seemed so strange. Mr. Flannery opens the folded piece of paper and reads it: it's the note Rex wrote to Bree. Dr. Craig tells him he found it in Rex's room after he coded. "I forgive you", reads Mr. Flannery, with surprise.

Act IV

George and Bree

George offers Bree some consoling... as Phyllis watches.

Bree is planting some flowers in her frontyard when a car drives up and parks. She is unaware of this, and out of the car comes George Williams, the pharmacist. He approaches Bree, who is surprised to see him. She asks him what he's doing there. George quickly responds that he is there to kidnap her. He then tells her to go get her purse because he's gonna take her bowling. Bree gets up and tells him she doesn't know how to bowl. He smiles and suggests that they either go to a movie or for frozen yogurt as it really doesn't matter. Bree says she can't, and George replies that he's sure she hasn't gone anywhere in weeks, and thus she's got to go out and do things. He says that'll help and that she should trust him. Bree replies that she does trust him, but then insists that she's just not ready yet. She adds that it was still very sweet of him to think of her. George says "Well, you know. I tried.", to which Bree replies "And I appreciate that." He moves in for a huge, and tells her it's all right, that she can let it out. Bree reciprocates and breaks down in tears in his arms. George smiles behind her back. From her bedroom, Phyllis moves the curtain and watches through the window as they embrace. She looks suspiciously at them, and then puts the curtain back in its place.

Carlos and Gabby

Gabrielle visits a wounded Carlos in jail.

In the prison's visiting room, Gabrielle looks appalled. In front of her, Carlos has his face covered with bruises and wounds. He asks her "You want me to die in here, don't you?"; Gabby asks what him what happened, and he explains to her that it was her fault as she managed to talk Rita out of taking the money. Gabrielle asks him if that's what Richie told him, and Carlos answers that the subject came up in between kidney punches. Gabby claims that it's not her fault: Rita didn't want the money. Carlos asks her why Rita wouldn't want seven thousand dollars, and Gabby answers that the money was meant for a boob job and her boobs are fine. She adds that what Richie is doing to his girlfriend's self-esteem is just cruel, and that she feels sorry for her. Carlos claims that she doesn't care about Rita's self-esteem anymore than he does, she just didn't wanna give all that money away. Gabby says she does think it's silly to give someone seven thousand dollars if they don't want it. Carlos commands her to go back to Rita's place and convince her that life isn't worth living unless she has jugs the size of Texas. Gabby gives him an evil smile and says that she just realised she and Rita have a lot in common. Carlos tells her not to tell him that she too has low self-esteem because if he laughs he's gonna crack the one good rib he has left. Gabby responds that they are both controlled by the men in their life, which is ridiculous because they are both in jail: they should have all the power. Carlos tells her he doesn't want to control her, he just doesn't want to end up in the morgue. She says that's not what she meant, and he tells her that he doesn't have time for such games as his morphine is starting to wear off. She says that she doesn't have the time for that either, and explains to him that if he expects her sweet-talk Rita into taking her operation, she can't show empty-handed. He tells her to bring him the chequebook, and he'll make out a cheque for some cash. Gabby says "See, I was thinking I'd be writing the cheques." She then adds that he is not in a position to argue.

Susan comes out of her house and sees Edie rollerskating down the street in a tiny red outfit with a matching cap and pigtails. They greet each other, and Edie then asks Susan how much she hates her, as Karl told her that she knows all about their dirty little secret. Susan asserts that she does, and Edie says that she feels awful: she should had told Susan that she was doing her ex, as it would have been the classy thing to do. Susan says that etiquette is a lost art for a lot of people. Edie tells her that she never, ever thought anything would happen with the two of them, but on their first date Karl took her to a Mexican restaurant, and when Edie gets tequila in her her bra unhooks itself. Susan says "Circumstances beyond your control, I get. So, if you'll excuse me..."; Susan gets into her car and Edie lets her know that she's offering her an opportunity there. She tells Susan to go ahead, vent, let her have it, tell her what a bitch she is for snacking on her left-overs. Susan tells her that she honestly doesn't mind, and that she can skate off into the sunset with Karl. Edie smiles and says that's good to know. She then adds that she probably shouldn't tell her this, but she and Karl were in her jacuzzi the night before, and he said it was the best sex he'd ever had. Bar none. Susan goes quiet for a short while, clearly upset, and then says that she's glad Edie shared that with her, as she's got a tidbit for her as well: Karl told her that he still loved her. With this said, Susan drives away, leaving Edie clearly upset and ready for action.

Y11

Edie isn't quite done yet.

Susan appears to be proud of herself for that little moment there as she drives away, and she stops at a crossing for a kids. Some girls greet her and she smiles at them, but her smiling is ceased once she spots Edie wheeling up toward her. Since she can't move forward because of the kids crossing the street, Edie is able to catch up with her, and when she does so, Susan asks her what she's doing. Edie calls her a lying liar, adding that Karl never said that. Susan explains to her that Karl asked her to get back together the day after Julie's birthday. She said "no", which she guesses is what lead to the now-legendary "tequila bra-popping" incident. She asks Edie to please let go of the car, and the blonde tells her that they're not done. Susan starts driving slowly, saying that she's gonna go. Edie hangs on to the car and tells her she doesn't have the guts. Susan threatens her that in five seconds she is gonna punch it. Edie shows her keys and threatens to key her car if she does. Susan says she won't be able to if she's sucking on her exhaust. Edie tells her to take back what she said, to which Susan replies that she won't. Edie tells her to admit that she'll do anything to destroy her happiness, and Susan stops the car and asks her why she thinks she would care if Edie ends up with a man Susan despises. Edie quickly answers "Cos you and Mike are finished. Yeah, word's out. And now that you can't be happy, you don't want anyone else to be. Period." Edie then turns her back and starts wheeling away. Susan is upset by what she said, and tells her to come back as they're not finished yet. She puts the car in Reverse and punches the gas... only to hit Edie with the back of her car, as she had positioned herself in front of the car's rear. Susan is shocked as she realizes her "friend" has gone down.

Act V

Susan opens her door to her ex-husband Karl, and immediately says "It was an accident, Karl. Edie knows it was an accident, right?". Karl replies that Edie knows Susan could have killed her, but as it is she's got a shattered tibia. Susan is shocked and promptly apologizes, and then asks if Edie got the roses she sent. Karl asserts that she did, and that she cut herself on the thorns. Susan is taken aback by both her and Edie's bad luck. Karl leans closer and asks his ex-wife why she would tell Edie about their little conversation. Susan explains to him that she was gloating about sleeping with him and Susan just wanted to shut her up. Karl asks Susan if she was jealous then, and she immediately says "no", and justifies her actions by stating that they were married, and Edie is trying to compare that taudry little affair they've got going on par with that, which made her mad. Karl then asks her if she remembers the morning she caught him picking up Edie's newspaper. Susan nods affirmatively, and he goes on: the night before, he had asked Edie to live together. And she said yes. Susan looks crestfallen, and then asks him to give her a moment, as she is silently asking God to kill her. She has to sit down, and Karl explains to her that Edie is fun and goes with the flow, which is something he really needs at this point in his life. Susan has to hold back the tears, and asks Karl if he is in love with her. He asks her if she would care if he was. Susan says that she wants him to be happy, and that she even sort of wants Edie to be happy.

Y12

Karl kisses Susan on the forehead.

"I want to be happy first!", she says. "Mike and I were supposed to move in together, you know? This was supposed to be my time." Karl tells her that he had heard she and the plumber were having problems. He asks if their relationship is over. Susan replies that she doesn't know, and adds that it's really complicated. She then gets up and walks to her door, but then turns back to Karl and tells him that he never answered her question: "Are you in love with her?". Karl turns to Susan and says "I don't know. But I can promise you this much. I've never loved another woman the way I loved you."; Susan reminds him that he walked out on her, and he smiles and says "Yeah. But look how far I got. I'm just up the street.", he then giggles and plants a kiss on Susan's forehead, before walking away. She looks at him as he goes, then purposely bangs her head on the door frame whilst sighing and heads inside, closing the door behind her.

Lynette comes home from work that night, and Parker, holding a basketball in his hand, goes to open the car's door for his mommy. He says "thank God you're home" and Lynette asks him what's wrong. Parker tells her that "daddy found a rat", and Lynette tries to act surprised. She heads inside, and notices the house looks spotless. Tom comes downstairs with cleaning ecquipment, and asks her how her day went. Lynette says it was good, and then asks him how his own day went, which is more important. Tom realizes Parker told her about the rat, and tells her it was so disgusting. He came down fromt he steps and there the rat was, on the counter, eating a leftover grilled cheese sandwich. Lynette asks if those were the sandwiches from the day before, and Tom quickly acknowledges that the house has been too messy, and thus obviously his system has a few kinks in it, but he got his act together.

Y13

Lynette thanks the dead rat for saving her marriage.

Lynette asks him if he took the rat outside, and Tom replies that he smashed it with a shovel instead. Lynette is shocked: "You killed it?"; he answers "Not with the first blow." He repeats that it was disgusting, and Lynette seems to be feeling a bit guilty. Later, when she goes to take the trash outside, she removes the lid from the can and notices the rat's corpse there. She tells him she's really sorry about what happened with the shovel, and adds that neither one of them ever saw that coming. She says that she realizes this is not much consolation, but he really helped her marriage that day, which is a lot for a little rat to accomplish in one lifetime. She then says that it is getting late, so "hats off to you". She then puts her garbage bag in the can, on top of the dead rat, and puts the lid down.

Act VI

Y14

Betty Applewhite sees a shrink.

Betty's sitting at a psychiatrist's office with Dr. Baker as her counselor. He asks her for confirmation about whether the abuse started a few years into her marriage. She nods affirmatively, and adds that it started so slowly she didn't realise what was happening. She says he would slap her over some little problem, but he'd always apologize. But then it got worse, and one day, eight years before, their son spilled soda on their new carpet. Before she could have moved to protect him, Virgil had knocked him to the ground and began kicking him. Betty adds that she went to protect her baby, but she didn't get there in time. Dr. Baker asks her what happened to her son, and Betty replies that he died. Dr. Baker appears to be saddened by this, and Betty explains that she came across one of his baby pictures the previous weekend, and that was when her nightmares started again. She goes on to say that the last doctor she saw had told her she needed to exorcize her guilt, but it's easier said than done, and she has been very tired lately. Dr. Baker tells her he's gonna get her started on nitrazepam, adding that that should do the trick. Betty looks relieved, and thanks him when he hands her the prescription. He tells her that he certainly hopes her husband was punished for what he did. "Oh... there was retribution. I made sure of that."

Bree walks into the kitchen where Phyllis is cleaning the stove. She asks her daughter-in-law where she is off to, and Bree explains that she is headed to see Rex's lawyer, and they are going to go over some details involving Rex's will. Bree tells her that she is obviously mortified over slapping her, she has just been in a weird place since her husband's death, but that is no excuse. "I'm very, very sorry", she says. Phyllis tells her that there is no need to apologize, as she is family, and thus all is forgiven. Bree asks "Really?", feeling very relieved, and Phyllis claims that it has been a difficult time for all of them and that she totally understands. She then tells her to go, as she surely doesn't want to be late for her meeting about Rex's will. Bree smiles and walks away. Once she's gone, Phyllis takes off her gloves and rushes over to the phone, checking a list next to it.

Y15

"Are you aware that my daughter-in-law has a boyfriend?"

Several contacts and "to-do"s have been crossed off, and it appears as though the list was set-up for the preparation of Rex's funeral, as the contacts include Dr. Craig (his physician), Reverend Sikes (the minister that conducted the service) and Betty Applewhite, the organist, and the "to-do" things include picking up a tux and calling a florist. However, the contact for Joe Flannery, the insurance agent, has not been crossed off and Phyllis calls him over the phone. He answers it with "Claims. This is Joe Flannery.", and Phyllis asks him if she could speak to someone about the death benefits for Rex Van de Kamp, as this is her mother speaking. Mr. Flannery looks put out, and tells her that he already spoke to Rex's wife and they are moving as quickly as they can. Phyllis promptly asks him "Are you aware that my daughter-in-law has a boyfriend?". Mr. Flannery prepares to take down some notes as he says "I'm listening."

During Mary Alice's subsequent voice-over, we see shots of Betty chopping up a bunch of pills and then pouring the dust into a bowl of soup, mixing it, so that she and Matthew can bring it over to their prisoner, of Lynette working at her kitchen's table while Tom cleans everything up around her, of Gabrielle smiling as she signs some cheques, and of Bree and George talking and laughing, while Mr. Flannery, sitting in his parked car across from them, takes several pictures of the couple.

Quote1
Control. It's extraordinary the tactics people employ to obtain it. Some rely on deception, while others engage in outright trickery. Then there are those who resort to extortion. Why do we fight so hard for control? Because we know to lose it is to put our fate in the hands of others. And what could be more dangerous?
Quote2
Mary Alice Young

Production

The episode was written by co-executive producer Chris Black and producer Alexandra Cunningham, marking their 2nd and 3rd writing credits with the series, respectively, and was directed by supervising producer David Grossman, marking his 3rd directing credit.

Reception

"You Could Drive a Person Crazy" was watched by 27.110 million viewers, and was ranked as the second most watched show the week it aired. It received positive reviews from television critics.

Trivia

Bloopers and continuity errors

  • When Susan is screaming at Edie and she's going away, Susan's hands change position between shots.
  • When Mike gets into Susan's house and they are talking, you can see that behind Mike is not the real room that we have seen in other episodes, instead there is a little room with a window.
  • When Bree is coming downstairs and Rex's mother is talking on the phone, you can see that behind Bree there is a big crystal door and you can see some trees through it. However, in season 1 we have seen that behind that door it was another room with a piano.
  • Susan sent Edie roses after hitting her with her car. Susan's ex-husband, Edie's new boyfriend says that Edie cut herself on the thorns. Thorns are removed by florists before delivery, so unless these roses came from Susan's garden, which would mean Susan delivered them and would know if Edie got them or not, this could not have happened.
  • When Bree is hugging George you can see how his head changes positions between scenes.
  • When Bree is at the shop and people are waiting behind her mother-in-law, you can see how the first woman gets into the shop but you cannot see the man who came in, he just suddenly appears there.

Video

You Could Drive a Person Crazy (Desperate Housewives)43:16

You Could Drive a Person Crazy (Desperate Housewives)


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